


Matthew Casey

by FrankieFandom



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, Emotional Hurt, Friends With Benefits, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, Pre-Series, References to Drugs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-08-29 06:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 31,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8478928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrankieFandom/pseuds/FrankieFandom
Summary: Casey's life was turned upside down in 1997, how did he become the man he is today?





	1. Mom Killed Dad

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like the start this new story; it's a pre series piece that starts in October 1997 and will finish in September 2012. It's probably quite ambitious of me but I hope it'll be enjoyable to read, as it has been thinking about it, and I hope it is as accurate and realistic as possible!

Matt groaned when his alarm clock chimed, he battered the offending object blindly hoping to end the ceaseless racket and it fell to the floor. Despite his efforts the alarm continued to blare. His feet hit the cold floor when he swung his legs out of bed. The heating wasn't on; his mum usually switched it on when she woke. He dragged himself from the bed, bent down and switched off the alarm and he changed without bothering to look in his mirror, after his sixteen years he'd given up trying to make his blond hair sit flat. He chucked his homework in his bag before going downstairs for breakfast. The kitchen was empty, his mom must still be asleep, perhaps she wasn't at work today. He grabbed a box of cereal but just left it on the side deciding that he better make sure his mom wasn't supposed to getting ready for work, they couldn't afford for her to oversleep.

"Mom?" he questioned softly outside her closed bedroom door but he heard nothing, "Mom?" he called louder and knocked.

After a few moments she responded, "I'll be down soon Matthew, make sure you have breakfast," he held back a retort, he was old enough to get himself ready for school.

He turned the radio on when he re-entered the kitchen and poured some cereal and milk into a bowl.

 _"…_ _Can you believe it's October the 22_ _nd_ _? Where has the year gone Ken?"_ the DJ spoke jovially.

At that point Matt knew nothing about how significant the date was going to become in the future. He sat, still not fully awake, swirling his cereal around with the spoon.

Before he finished his cereal there was a knock on the door. They never had many visitors and it was even more unusual as the clock on the wall said it wasn't even 8am, who would be knocking so early? He dropped his spoon with a clang when he realised his mum had still not left her room and was not going to be in a fit state to answer the heavy knocking at the door.

Two uniformed police officers were stood in front of him when he opened the door, a bewildered expression lay across his face, "We're looking for a Nancy Casey? Is she your mother?" the large balding officer asked.

Frowning he replied, "Yes... why?"

"We just to need speak to her," the officer explained, "Can we come in?"

"I guess…" he stepped back and allowed them inside; he didn't really have another option.

"Go and sit down hun," the female officer indicated to the kitchen table.

Matt didn't move, "Why? What's happened?" he demanded.

His questions went unanswered as the officers, now joined with two others that had entered through the backdoor, went upstairs. He slumped down onto a chair a the kitchen table, he looked disdainfully at his now soggy cereal, he wondered if the police were going to be here long, he needed to get going soon or he'd be late for school but only a second after that thought he heard movement on the stairs.

He stood up immediately. "Mom?" he questioned as he watched her being escorted by two of the police officers, "Mom!?" What the hell was happening?

"It's all right Mathew, everything's all right now," his mum spoke to him calmly as she was led away, a small smile was spread across her lips. She looked odd, she looked tired, exhausted even, she had no make-up on and her hair was a mess, she always kept up appearances even after late nights out.

"Mom?!" he yelled, unable to do nothing as she was escorted out of the front door to one of the awaiting police cars. He watched as she was put inside, it was only then he noticed the handcuffs.

The two other police officers were now stood by him. "They're taking to her down to the police station, you're Matthew right?" he nodded as he watched the police car drive off with his mother inside, "We're going to follow her down there, do you have a bag you can bring a comic in, your homework or something? You might be waiting for a while."

"I have school," he stated dumbly. He didn't even like school but he wasn't sure what was worse following his handcuffed mum to the police station or spending a long day at school being called names and getting shoved into walls. Following his mom to the station was definitely the better option.

"Not today, we need to speak to you and your mom," the officer replied.

Without a word he went back to his room, slipped a hoodie and some shoes on. All his thoughts were rushing around his head, he had a thousand questions. He grabbed his backpack before heading back downstairs where the two officers were waiting. He went to lock the backdoor but his keys weren't where he'd left them, instead he took his moms set from the hook by the front door.

The officers followed him to the police car, was he supposed to sit in the back like his mom? He wasn't being arrested, was he? Why had they handcuffed his mom? What had she done? He wanted to ask all these questions but he didn't, he just stood in silence.

"I'll sit in the back with you," one of the officers stated as he opened the car door.

* * *

The journey to the police station was spent in silence except for the spatter of radio noise that the officers ignored. Once at the station the car door was opened for him and he was led inside. They took him upstairs and left him in a large room, full of desks, the atmosphere was chaotic. Matt sat on one of the many seats around the edge of the room, his bag on the floor tucked between his legs, he looked around anxiously at his surroundings, the area was incredibly busy, people were coming and going, some in handcuffs, escorted by officers and plain clothes police.

As soon as he saw the officer who had driven him over to the precinct walk by he stood up and walked over to the desk he had just sat behind, "Excuse me," he began quietly, "Do you know when mom's coming back? Or can I leave?"

The man looked up, "We just need to ask you some questions…"

"About what?" he questioned, "Can I see my mom?"

"We're still waiting for a representative from child services, we can't ask you any questions without an adult present…" the officer began but Matt, who still had no idea why he was here and why his mom was being questioned, was fed up now, he didn't want explanations with no real answer.

"Can't you just call my dad?" he asked, "I can give you his number."

"No-one's spoken to you yet?" the officer questioned with concern.

"I've been sat here waiting since I was told to sit there and wait," he said sternly, his mom would have told him off, told him to stop his backchat.

The officer was still looking up at the kid, at his young face, bright blue eyes and bright blond hair, another innocent kid. He hated this part of his job even more than he hated the seemingly endless amount of paperwork. He sighed heavily and stood up, he felt like he towered over the boy even though he was only a few inches taller, "Come with me," he took Matt to the break room, the interrogation rooms were unwelcoming, cold and dark and all in use, "Sit down kid."

"I'm not a kid," Matt scowled as he sat down on the worn sofa.

"Sorry," the officer stated as he perched on the coffee table so that he was at eye level, "Do you prefer Matthew or…"

"Matt," he replied quickly, "What's happened? Can't you just call my dad?…"

"Matt…" the officer began softly, he was about to change the boy's life forever, "Your dad died early this morning."

It took a few moments to comprehend what he had just been told. "What?" his voice cracked, "No… I was with him yesterday... he was fine… he's not dead…"

"I'm so sorry Matt," the officer said sincerely.

"You're sorry? You don't know him. You don't know me… Where's my mom?" he was standing up now, his voice raised.

"Matt sit down, yelling in a police station is going to do you any good, sit down and I'll explain what's happened, why you and your mom are here," the officer said to calm him.

Slowly Matt sat back down, "My dad's dead?"

"I'm sorry," he nodded.

"My mom was arrested, she was in handcuffs when she was led out the house," Matt stated putting the information together.

He nodded again, "She's being questioned about your father's death," he didn't tell him she was accused of murdering him; he didn't want to tell him that he had lost both his parents today.

"Ok..." Matt breathed, trying to take it all in but the only thought running around his head was the concept that he'd never see his dad again, he wasn't a perfect man but no-one was and he was his dad.

"Ok," he replied quietly, "I'll wait with you in here whist we wait for DCFS," he said kindly because if this was his kid he wouldn't want him waiting in the middle of precinct, "I'll just go and get some of my work, do you want a drink or anything?"

Matt shook his head and questioned, "DCFS?"

"Like I said you need an adult representative when we take your statement about last night," he replied.

"Ok..." Matt replied simply.   
  
It felt as though he were no longer in the room, he was no longer anywhere, he felt incredibly light yet heavy at the same time, he could hear the inexplicable sound of his own heartbeat pounding in his chest and suddenly he wished he'd left for school early that morning, he could have lived without the knowledge of his father's death and his mother's arrest for a little longer. Had his mom killed his dad?

When the officer returned Matt asked, "Does my sister know? Has someone told her?"

"We've left a message at her college, it's not the sort of thing we want to tell her over the phone," the officer replied.

"It'll take her hours to get here, can I tell her?" he thought aloud.

"That's up to you," the officer said.

* * *

It was hours before a social worker arrived, the officer sat with him had offered him lunch but he'd declined it. It felt like he was living in some sort of surreal universe, he wasn't hungry. He didn't think he'd ever be hungry again. He had managed to choke down a few sips of juice when the officer insisted that he at least had a little something to drink.

"Hi Matthew, my name's Helen Somerfield, I'm with child services, I've been told what's happened to your parents, I'm sorry for your loss," she said as she entered the room. her empathy was rehearsed and he wondered how many times she'd done this. Matt didn't say anything so she took a seat next to him, "I'm sorry you've been waiting around most of the day. I'm going to sit with you now whilst we wait until the police are free to take your statement. Do you have any questions? I'm here to help you and make sure you understand what the police tell you."

"He simply shook his head.

It only took another half hour before Matt was sat in one of the interrogations rooms with the lady from DCSF who had informed him that this wasn't an interrogation, and that he didn't need to worry, this was just a private room.

Matt was glad it was the same officer who had sat with him in the break that entered the room. The man placed a dictatorphone on the steal table, "This is Officer Jenkins, it's the 22nd of October 1997, 2:44pm. I'm interviewing Matthew Casey. Helen Somerfield from DCSF is also present. Can you talk me through your night Matt?"

He glanced at Helen who told him, "You're not being accused of anything."

"Erm…" he began to recall last night, "I went to my dad's house after school, I don't do anything after school on a Wednesday so it's one of the only nights I go there, my mom likes me be on top of my homework but I don't have to do it when I go to his, I watched TV, he got home from work and…" he trailed off and let his eyes drop down away from the officer.

"And?" the officer questioned when Matt didn't continue.

Matt looked up from the table, "And he drove me home later that night, it was dark and it's not a great neighbourhood."

"Did your dad just drop you off outside?" the officer probed.

"No," Matt replied, "He took me to the door."

"Did he go inside with you?" he asked.

"I went straight upstairs," Matt responded.

"Your mom was home?" he questioned.

"Yeah…"

The officer then asked, "Did your parents argue?"

He nodded, "They always argue…" then he added quietly, "Argued…"

"You knew they'd argue so you went upstairs?" the officer assumed.

"Yeah," Matt replied.

"Do you know what they were arguing about?" he pressed.

Their argument had been one of their usual's, it had been about him, "No. Couldn't really hear them."

"Ok. One last question. Does your mom have a key for dads place?"

The realisation hit him. He hadn't misplaced his keys. He'd left them on the side when he got home and his mum must have used them, "Oh God…"

"Matthew?" Helen questioned.

"I… mom must have used my keys, she doesn't have a set… You think she killed him... did she…" he trailed off.

"Thanks Matt, that convenes the interview at 3:03pm," the officer switched off the dictator phone.

"What happens now?" Matt asked, "Can I see my mom?" he wasn't sure he wanted to see her, had she really killed his dad?

* * *

He was sat across from his mom, an identical steel table to the one he'd been sat by when he was questioned separated them, her handcuffs had been removed, they'd been sat in silence for at least five minutes before his mum asked, "Does your sister know what's happened?

He ignored her, "Did you kill dad?"

"He was hurting all of us Matthew," she replied almost serenely, "Tell your sister what has happened."

"Me?" he questioned.

"Please do it for me Matthew, better her hear it from family than a stranger…"

Matt frowned, "What? Like I did?"

"Oh Matthew I would have told you if I could. I'm so proud of you for being so brave through all of this…" she began.

"You killed him," his voice cracked, "You're a…"

"I've saved us," she said firmly.

* * *

The lady from DCSF took him to an emergency shelter since they knew of no immediate family. They had called by his house to get a few more clothes and belongings and it was getting late by the time Matt arrived. Helen left him with another lady who showed him to a shared room, "This is where you'll sleep tonight," she explained.

"How long will I be here?" he questioned as he looked at the dull room, there were bars on the windows, paint was chipping off the metal bed frame and the blanket that lay on top of the white covers looked incredibly itchy.

"I can't say at this stage," she replied frankly, "This isn't a prison; you'll continue to go to school and live your life. This is temporary until we found you something more permanent."

"My mom's pleading guilty..." he muttered, "I'll never go home again… Can I use the phone?" he asked.

She nodded, "Of course, it's in the office, you just to ask to use it in the future."

As he followed her back to the office she explained a few rules about the home and then gave him some privacy to call his sisters dorm room, he anxiously waited for her to pick up the phone, "Hello?" Christie's cheerful voice answered after six agonising rings.

"Hey... It's Matt…" he began unsure of himself, wishing he had written something down, something to tell him what to say, a script so he wouldn't lose the composure he'd kept all day.

 _"Why are you calling me? I don't have a lot of time, I've just rushed in and I need to go back out to meet…"_ she said quite breathlessly.

He stopped her from continuing, "Christie…"

 _"What's wrong Matt?"_ she asked lightly when she sensed his trepidation.

"It's dad…" he started quietly.

 _"Matt?"_ she urged when there was only silence through the line.

"He's… he's died…" he stated, "… He's dead…"

 _"What? You can't joke about something like that…"_ she began disdainfully.

"Christie…"

She gasped, _"Oh God…"_

"You need to come home… and you need to get me..." he bit his lip, "They've put me…"

 _"Get you? Why aren't you with mom?"_ she questioned, he could tell she was crying by the way her voice had become strained.

"She…" he didn't want to say it; he didn't want to tell her.

 _"Matt?"_ she questioned.

"She killed him," he stated, "Mom killed dad."


	2. He Was My Dad

Matt spent his first night in the emergency shelter wide awake listening to his Discman. The lights had been switched off at 11pm and the kid he was sharing the room with was snoring loudly as if he weren't already annoyed at sharing a room with someone two years his junior. The social worker may have said this place wasn't prison but it certainly felt like it, there were even security bars on the windows.

The next day they expected him to go to school as if nothing had happened, as if his dad wasn't dead, as if his mom hadn't killed him. Breakfast had been awful, he didn't take one bite before emptying the tray into the bin. He had to sign in and out at the office before he went anywhere so he did just that as he left for school only he never intended on reaching school. He forewent a day of school for a morning strolling aimlessly around and an afternoon stood by the lake angrily chucking rocks and anything else lying by him into the cold water.

It was dark before he even considered going back to the shelter and the only thing that swayed him was the fact he had no idea when he's father's funeral was, no idea if his sister was coming for him and no idea what was happening to his mom. He really didn't want to spend another night there stuck with a kid who snored.

Of course the school had informed the shelter that Matt had never showed and he was warned about his attendance when he arrived back but it didn't stop him from doing exactly the same the next day.

* * *

The day of his dads funeral Matt was sporting a black eye, the kid who snored was also an incredibly nosey kid and he'd finally had enough during breakfast the previous day and apparently that kid had a friend, an older and much larger friend. It had taken three of the staff to break up the fight and two of them to hold Matt back, he was then given a talk about being responsible and that he should be thankful they were giving him some leeway given the fact it was his dads funeral the next day.

His sister arrived the morning of the funeral, she brought her boyfriend along with her and as soon as she told Matt there wasn't anything she could do, that she was going back to Rutgers, that he was going to have to put up with wherever he was sent to stay he didn't say a word to her and spent the entire service stewing angrily. Angry at both his parents. He blamed both of them for the situation he was now in, and in turn at angry at himself as he believed he was the cause for the majority of their disagreements.   
  
That afternoon he signed out of the shelter and didn't return.

He ended up at his dads house, crime scene tape was still crisscrossed over the front door. He didn't have his keys though so climbed up to the first floor and entered through his dads window. When he found the blood in the lounge room he trashed the place, he swiped his arm across the shelving scattering magazines and photo frames across the room, he smashed the lamps, knocked over the coffee and threw the cushions against the wall and when that didn't have the effect he wanted he slammed fist into the wooden cabinet. After destroying the lounge he sunk down and cried for the first time since his dad's death, he was sobbing uncontrollably from the pain of it all, his chest was heaving, and he could barely catch a breath.

Matt spent nearly a week in his dad's room. He'd found his cigarette stash and tucked all but one packet away in his bag. When he'd picked up his dads lighter from the nightstand he couldn't help but picture his dad stood near him asking for it. He shook the image away, pulled out a cigarette and lit it, he coughed after his first puff but then he slid down to the floor and smoked as if he'd done it for years, his parents had set a prime example for him, it soothed him, relaxed him.

He only ended up back at the shelter when they came looking for him to inform him of his mum's court date. This time he didn't have the luxury of a shared room with just one other kid when he was dragged back there. Now he was in a bunk room with three others. The worst part about the place was the gym locker style communal shower room especially since the time he stepped out of the shower, waist wrapped in a towel, to discover that someone had hidden his clothes.

* * *

Nancy Casey had pleaded guilty to the murder of Gregory Casey. Matt hadn't been there when they announced her sentence he'd been out with friends smoking and drinking behind the back of a bar they had failed to get into in the middle of the afternoon. The patience of the staff at the shelter were waring thin and when Matt was called into the office a few days after his mum had been sentenced he assumed it was for yet another lecture.

"We've managed to contact your father's brother, your Uncle Michael," the lady informed him.

"I don't have an Uncle Michael," he stated.

"Your sister actually mentioned him to us, she said you probably wouldn't remember him or your aunt," she replied.

"So…" he wished they would just get to the point, although he'd already surmised what it could be.

"They're more than happy for you to move in with them, they have a lovely house, you'd have a room all to yourself, it's very fortunate lots of kids your age don't end up leaving group homes," she explained. Fortunate. He almost scoffed at the irony of the word.

* * *

Two days later he was sat on the sofa in his Uncle Michaels house, a lady from DCSF was chatting to him and his wife and just out of Matt's earshot as he flicked the cigarette packet lid up and down just to give him something to do with his hands.

He caught a flash of conversation as the three of them stood up, "… if this doesn't work out don't worry, we can always have him back if it ends up being too difficult…"

The lady left, his aunt and uncle walked over to him, smiles plastered on their faces, apprehension in their eyes, "Well… now she's out of here we can properly introduce ourselves, I'm your uncle, you can call me Michael or Uncle, whatever's easiest…"

"You weren't at the funeral," Matt stated plainly.

"No," he shook his head, "Your dad wouldn't have wanted that."

"For the same reason I didn't know I had an uncle?" Matt questioned.

He nodded but disregarded the question, "This is my wife Laura," she smiled down at him, "Neither of us are perfect, we don't expect you to be, there's no pressure here, stay out of trouble and everything should work out."

"Why don't I show you to your room Matt?" Laura was still smiling down at him, it was an odd situation for them all, "Oh if you're hungry or thirsty just help yourself to anything in the kitchen. We want you to make yourself at home here."

"Do you know what's happening to my house?" he asked suddenly.

"I…" Laura began hesitantly.

"We don't know," his uncle replied, "But I'm sure we can find out, you've missed a lot whilst you were with child services?"

"They didn't really answer any of my questions, or maybe I just asking the wrong ones," Matt explained.

"I'll see what I can find out for you," his uncle smiled.

Laura showed him up to his room, it was a small house, neat and tidy unlike his home, his room was the first door on the right at the top of the stairs, "Well this is it, we've not decorated it or anything, I thought it might be something you'd like to do?"

He entered the room and glanced around, it was small, modern and neat just like the rest of the house.

"I hope it's all right," she said gently when he didn't say anything, "It's not your home but we can…"

"It's great thanks," he replied monotonously. Everything was starting to feel all too real, it was like he'd been living in some bizarre limbo for the last few weeks and he'd wake up to discover it had all been some sort of nightmare.

"I'll… erm… I'll give you some privacy Matthew," she said, the situation was new for all of them and she didn't want to get off to a bad start.

"It's Matt," he said with a little effort to be friendly.

"Matt," she smiled warmly.

She left him and he walked further into the room, he sat down on the bed suddenly feeling very small in a very big world. He was lonely. He was surrounded by people yet he still felt incredibly lonely. He had lost both his parents and it wasn't as if it were in some great tragedy, there'd be no sympathy, although that wasn't what he wanted, he was already afraid of what everyone would say if they found out how his dad had died and why he was no longer living with his mom. School was already a hellish place and this was only going to fuel everyone's ammunition, it was bad enough that he looked the way he did, that he didn't wear the top branded clothes or fit in with any main crowd of people, he didn't show any exceptional sporting or academic abilities, he was smart but he preferred to rush his homework the night before the due date, he used to make an effort when he first started high school but he gave up, he got fed up of the bullies and the name calling and no matter how much he concentrated on his schoolwork he could never drown out his parents fights. He just wanted to nothing to do with school, he couldn't wait until he graduated and he didn't have to step a foot back into the building again. His parents had finally divorced in his second year of high school but their arguments, which he swore could be heard across the city, hardly lessened as he and his sister spent half their time at each of their houses so they still saw each other on a very regular basis, and they both ended up drinking more. It didn't make for a great home life.

The sky outside turned dark, he hadn't moved off the bed to shut the curtains, there was a knock on his bedroom door and a tentative "Matt?" from Laura.

"Yeah..." he voiced after a few moments.

She opened the door, the light from the corridor lit the room before she flipped the switch and his room was bathed in light before she went over to the window and shut the curtains, it was quite obvious that he'd not moved from his sit perched on the edge of the bed for the last few hours, "I thought you might be hungry, I wondered if you wanted to choose a take out? We don't usually get them very often but it's your first night here." Little did she know that he was used to having a lot of takeout food, especially if he was at his dads house, he much preferred to just order something in despite the cost rather than going to the grocery store regularly, Matt would end up having the leftovers for a couple of days. "Or I could cook something up? Do you have a favourite meal?"

"I'm not really hungry," he replied.

"You should eat something… I'll bring something up for you," she shut the door and left.

Matt wondered over to the window and cracked it open, the air was bitterly cold but he sat leaning against the frame as he lit a cigarette, the smoke swirled in the wind as he let out his breaths. He fell asleep without touching the sandwich Laura had brought up for him.

The next day he was out of the house most of the day but he did sit and eat dinner with his aunt and uncle.

"What have you been up to today?" his uncle tried to engage him, although he seemed much more interested in the paper sat to the right of his dinner plate.

"Nothing really," Matt shrugged.

"We'll be going to church tomorrow morning," Laura stated, "You're very welcome to come along."

His parents had stopped going to church after the divorce and so Matt and Christie had stopped attending too. He could remember when his mom first told him that she was divorcing his father. As a child he feared if his parents divorced they'd both be sent to hell, they'd certainly be shunned by their community but his mom insisted it was for the best, that she had been unhappy for a long time and that everything would all work out in the end. Late one night it become apparent that his mom had told him about the divorce she wanted before she told his dad, he was petrified at what he would find when he crept downstairs after hearing an almighty smash but his parents were no longer there, only a cracked mirror could be found.

Matt did go to church on Sunday morning which made his aunt and uncle very happy but as he sat there next to them he wondered if they were always so happy, he wondered if they'd end up arguing like his parents now that he was under their roof, he may be sixteen now but something his sister told him had stuck with him forever. She had blamed him for their parents' divorce and even his mom would blame him from time to time depending on her mood.

That evening his uncle asked if he needed a ride to school, Matt smiled and replied, "Nah I'm good."

"You're going to turn up at school aren't you?" he questioned.

"Yeah course," Matt said convincingly.

"Really? We have been told about your attendance since… Things have been hard for…" his uncle began.

"Don't give me that," Matt stood up from the sofa, "Don't give me the things have been hard speech, I don't want it and I don't need it!"

"What would…"

"What would my parents say?" he spat, "Nothing."

"You're not stupid, you know you can't keep cutting class and get away with it, do you want to graduate in two years?" his uncle questioned, "Look let me give you a ride in the morning and I can come in and speak to…"

"No," he stated, "Don't come in."

* * *

So the next day Matt went back to school but he had little intention to stay, he strolled to his locker and was stood by it when one his friends skulked up to him, "How'd you manage to skive three weeks of school?"

"My dad died, Tom," he stated just to see the reaction.

"Oh," Tom mouthed, it was the exact reaction Matt thought he would get.

"Whatever," he shrugged before Tom could tell him how sorry he was, he was fed up of people telling him they were sorry, "You wanna get out of here?" he flashed a pack of cigarettes, he wasn't above bribery.

"All right," Tom grinned.

At the end of the week he was called into the principal's office. He had spent the week in and out of class, he did little to no work, maybe everyone really was right about him; he was never going to amount to anything so why even bother.

"Matt…" the principal began, Matt raised an eyebrow at the predictableness of the man's next sentence, "You've been through a lot of changes recently and it's started to reflect poorly on your record, your attendance is next to none, you've handed in no assignments…"

He blanked out the principal's prattling and gazed out of the window, when it looked like the man had stopped he questioned with a tone of boredom, "Can I go?"

"Matt this isn't you, you are a bright kid," the principal insisted.

He stood up, "You have no idea who I am."

He walked out of school. He didn't even try to hide the fact he was skipping class. He received an earful about his behaviour from his uncle that night, telling him he should know better, that he needed to take responsibility for his life. He sat on the roof until the early hours of the morning and smoked. He watched as snow started to fall but it change in weather didn't cause him to retreat inside. Why should he know better? His parents certainly weren't a great example, both of them constantly between jobs, drinking and smoking, and that was before the divorce, their habits only increased afterwards and his mom would bring home a different bloke at least twice a week, it had been a little better when Christie had been in the house but she'd been away at college for over two years now.

The next day he wasn't going to have to even bother cutting class. He got himself suspended. He told himself that he didn't care that the kid with a locker opposite him was constantly picked on, bullied and shoved around, he really didn't care, he assured himself he was not the type of person to care so why did he end up defending him? He received a bloody nose, another black eye and the satisfaction of knocking down the kid who had called him a faggot since the start of high school. The kid he hit, the kid he slammed into the locker repeatedly, ended up being taken to the hospital. It was later discovered he only had a minor concussion. If the kid weren't a notorious bully Matt was certain that the principal would have excluded him, he only received a week's suspension to satisfy to kids parents.

* * *

Thanksgiving came and went and soon Matt received a letter from his mom urging him to visit. His aunt suggested that it might be a good idea to see her, after all she was his mom but he wasn't convinced. It wasn't until school broke up for Christmas holidays that he went to the high security prison to visit his mom. He took the bus and debated for the duration of the entire journey whether or not he really wanted to see her, on one hand didn't want to see her locked, didn't want to satisfy her with a visit when she had killed his dad, but on the other hand she _was_ his mum and he _did_ love her.

He sat anxiously in the visitation room waiting for his mom to appear. When she walked through a set of double doors he stood up to greet her, she walked up to him and hugged him, he was already an inch taller than her, the guard quickly told her to let him and they sat down opposite each other.

"You look good Matthew, how are you?" his mom asked with a thin smile.

"How am I?" he questioned harshly, he couldn't help himself, he was angry at her, he was angry at everything, "My dad's dead, you're stuck in here and the house went to pay to your court fees…"

"It's not exactly easy in here Matthew," she protested.

"It's not easy in here? You put yourself in here… I… I didn't do anything wrong and I'm living with strangers," he argued.

"I had to do what I did, I am sorry for it… but I had to do it for our families sake… How is your sister?"

He shrugged, "She's not been back from college since the funeral."

"I'm sure she's doing well…"

"Mom," he interrupted, "Why did you do it?"

"You feel better now, safer now, don't you?" she questioned, "I do now he's gone, he was a terrible man Matthew."

He stood up, "He was my dad."

* * *

"How'd it go?" Laura asked as he entered the house but she didn't receive an answer, Matt went straight upstairs to his room. She gave him a few moments before following him, he was sat on his bed smoking, he didn't object when she entered and sat down beside him. "I don't want to overstep but I'm here if you need me, so is Michael," she watched at Matt remained stoically looking at the shelving unit in front of him, "It didn't go well huh? I'm gonna go back downstairs, I have my famous brownies to make, you can come help if you want."

Matt took a long drag of his cigarette before turning to face his aunt, "I'm sorry for the last few weeks," he spoke sincerely, "And thank you for the offer but I'm probably terrible at baking and… and I have a lot of work to catch up."

Laura smiled as she stood, "I'm bad at math but if you any help with anything that doesn't involve numbers give me a shout, oh and your uncle's equally bad at math," she grinned.

As his aunt closed his bedroom door his sat down at his desk and pulled out all the crumpled assignment sheets from his bag determined to make a good start at catching up over the Christmas holidays; determined not to turn out like his parents.


	3. How to Become a Firefighter

Matt was stood with his aunt helping her put a few Christmas decorations up in the main room when she asked, "Have you heard back from your sister?"

He nodded, "She's staying with her boyfriend's family." He'd expected that, if it were him he'd do the same, he wouldn't come back to a place he didn't call home to spend Christmas with people he barely knew.

"Have you met him? It's Jimmy right?" Laura questioned conversationally.

"Yeah, he stayed with us for Thanksgiving last year," he replied as he reached up and put a bauble towards the top of the tree.

"You know if you want to invite anyone over you can, a girl maybe?" she hinted with a smile.

He shook his head and put the last couple of decorations up at the top of the tree, "All done."

Before he could leave the room she asked, "Are you here for dinner tonight?"

"Going out," he said simply as he walked away.

"Don't get back too late," she warned.

Matt glanced at the photos on the shelving unit before the door, "Your family didn't come for Thanksgiving," he noted, "Will they be here for Christmas?"

"My brother died two years ago," she said simply, "My parents live in Florida now."

"Oh… I'm sorry," but he frowned and said, "Everyone keeps telling me that they're sorry. Seems like an odd thing to say really… like they can't think of anything else because they don't really want to talk about it… sorry…"

"It's fine," she put a hand on his arm, "He died doing what he loved, when I think about it now I'm not so sad, he loved his life, I don't think he had any regrets, I do still miss him but… it gets easier Matt, I promise."

"What did he do?" he asked curiously.

"He was a firefighter," she smiled at the memories of her brother, now time had passed not many brought him up in conversation.

"We had firefighters come to our school once, years ago," he noted, "It's pretty cool what they do, scary though, running into burning buildings, don't think I'd ever be able to do that. Your brother was a hero."

"Thank you Matt," she smiled.

He looked down at the floor, "So… so it gets…" he trailed off.

"It gets easier, hurts a little less," she replied, "You miss him a lot, your mom as well?"

He shrugged, "I've got stuff to do," he left the room leaving Laura to finish putting up the Christmas decorations.

Matt had moments where he didn't miss either of his parents at all but he was wracked with guilt whenever those thoughts popped into his head. He did love his parents, he really did, but he questioned their love of him. Why had they done the things they did if they loved him? They'd argued about him, argued with him, he could vividly remember the one time his father had grabbed his wrist so hard it bruised, he'd accused him taking money from his wallet and at the mere suggestion that perhaps his father had already spent it rage overtook him, he never told anyone and no one ever noticed the hand shaped bruise. After the divorce his mum's group of friends changed, she went out at night and Matt lost track of all her new friends and every few morning's there would be a strange man making coffee in the kitchen as he got ready for school. His mom had hated it when he and Christie visited their dad, hated it even more if they stayed over so they argued even more and it only got worse when Christie left for college. His mom insisted he was needed around the house and that his father wouldn't want him getting in the way. Neither parent was interested in Matts achievements, big or small, an A on an essay was dismissed with a nod of the head and impatient 'Show me another time, I'm busy' so he stopped showing them and coupled with tormenters at school eventually became completely indifferent about his work, when Christie went to college their parents were so proud of her whilst reminding Matt that she'd set some great expectations that he assumed he was going to have to live up to if he was going to amount to something in their eyes. He didn't trust himself, he didn't think he was good enough, whatever he did he was going to end up like his parents; in a dead end job with a broken family.

* * *

The Christmas holidays came and went in a blur of big meals, alcohol, schoolwork and late nights out with his friends. Matt spent New Years Eve on his own, his own choice, he sat on the roof, shivering the cold air, but the sky was crystal clear, he watched the fireworks as he finished the last of his dads cigarettes. It was now 1998, a whole new year, he'd made no resolutions and had still refused to visit his mom again and he'd not been to his father's gravesite since the funeral.

"Is it true?" the question was shot at him as he entered class on his first day back after the break.

"What?" he frowned, caught off guard at the accusing tone.

"You're the son a murderer," an old newspaper cutting was shoved in his face; it was just a wash of ink with the speed it was flung in front of him with.

There were whispers between groups of friends and he felt several eyes piercing his skin.

"Your mom is a murderer," the words echoed around the room.

He turned to head straight back out the door he'd only just entered. He couldn't be here. Only there was no escape. As soon as he turned he collided with the teacher who had just entered. Disgruntled the man said, "I think you should take your seat."

Matt sat down at the only empty desk, he could feel his heart pounding in his chest, threatening to escape, he could feel the eyes of his classmates on him and feel his blood coursing around his body, the sounds of his own breaths were deafening.

"Mr Casey! Is this class not interesting enough for you?" the teacher wrapped on the table to gain his attention.

"Erm..." he looked up, everyone in the room was staring at him, several were smirking, and a few looked amused.

"I'll repeat the question then shall I?" the teacher looked less than impressed.

"I've got to go," he mumbled, he swiftly reached down and grabbed backpack before bolting out of the classroom.

"I'd be careful getting on the wrong side of him; you never know what he might do," someone commented to a guffaw of laughter as he stormed out of the classroom and slammed the door.

Matt didn't stop until he reached fresh air. He slumped back on the brick wall and tried to calm his raging breaths. His slammed his arm back onto the wall. He didn't even feel the pain. He lit a cigarette and continued to play with the lighter as he smoked away his anger and calmed himself.

* * *

"You're home early," his aunt commented as he closed the front door, she caught a glimpse of before he went up to his room. Naturally she wanted to follow him but she remained downstairs for a few moments before her heart got the better of her, "Matt?" she knocked on his door.

"I'm busy," he said flatly.

She sighed and leant on the doorframe, it was difficult to know what to do, what to say, she didn't want to overstep any boundaries, "You don't have to be alone."

"I want to be," he snapped back, although he wasn't sure that was true, he didn't know what he wanted, not really, he didn't want things to go back to the way they were but he didn't want things to stay this way either, he didn't want to face everyone at school tomorrow, it was bad enough living with the knowledge that his mom had killed his dad but now the whole school would know.

He was stood by his locker when he heard someone walk up behind him, "Matt?" he turned, it was Mandy, she sat by him in his history class, "I just wanted to say I was sorry about your parents."

Matt glanced around, wondering if this was some sort of set up, when he couldn't see anyone else watching them he muttered, "Thanks."

She smiled, "See you in class I guess."

* * *

One night he heard a noise come from downstairs, he crept of his room curiously and then he realised what he'd heard was arguing. The yelling got increasingly louder as he stepped quietly down the stairs.

"Mike, come on, let's just talk about this this in morning," it was his aunt, her tone was hushed but insistent.

"We can't do this. I can't do this!" his uncle stressed.

"Mike, calm down, you'll wake him up, we can talk about this tomorrow," she replied calmly.

"That's what you always say!" his uncle bellowed, "I never wanted to do this. How many fights has he got in at school now? He broke a kids nose yesterday!" The kid his uncle was referring too had just shoved his friend into the dumpster just inside the schools property as they were leaving.

"He's family," she stated.

Matt's heart sank. They were arguing about him. He quickly thought back, wondering what he had done, had he done something wrong?

"My brother was an ass who gamb…" his uncle began but Matt didn't want to listen to anything more but as he turned the stairs creaked, "Matt?"

"I'll talk to him," Laura stated.

"I don't need anyone to talk to me," he stated before he quickly turned and disappeared into his room.

There was a gentle knock on his door a little while later. He didn't respond and the door cracked open allowing a beam of light from the landing to penetrate the darkness of his bedroom.

"How much did you hear?" Laura asked as she stepped inside.

"Heard enough," he replied, he was sat at his desk, facing away from her.

"This is difficult for him, you were a baby the last time we saw you... he'd erased his brother from his life…"

"And then my mother shot him," he snarled, "This is difficult everyone but I won't be here long. As soon as I can get out of here I'll go."

"I don't want that, your uncle doesn't either," Laura tried to reassure him, "I want this to be your home too."

"It can't be," it can't be because if they were already arguing about him they'd soon end up going their separate ways and it would all be his fault, he couldn't burden them with his care, he was old enough to look after himself.

* * *

A few weeks into the year Matt managed to get himself a part time job at a local mini market, it was only for a couple of days a week but the pay was much better than the paper round he'd had when he was younger. It meant he could start saving, he wanted a car, he had his licence and he wanted to get out of his aunt and uncles house. If he didn't he would end up tearing them apart just like he had done with his parents.

Every Thursday night a local club had an underage night, almost everyone from school went, Matt hadn't been for months but he went along with Tom a few of his other friends. He was sat with Tom at one of the tall round tables when a girl he recognised from the year above walked up to them, "You're Matt? You're friends with Mandy right?"

"Yeah I guess we're friends…" he'd barely spoken to her aside from the occasional brief conversation.

"Will you come and join us?" she smiled and indicated an area by the bar where her friends were congregating.

Tom nudged him in the ribs. He held back a groan from the sudden jab. "Sure," he stood up, "It's Claire right?" a broad smile showed off her perfect teeth and her eyes glinted in the disco lights as she nodded.

Several non-alcohol drinks later Claire sighed, bored of the club she suggested, "Let's get out of here, get some drinks that are actually alcoholic," she looked to Mandy, "Your parents are still away? Let's go to yours. You guys coming?"

"I've got to be home before midnight," Tom stated.

Matt stood up eagerly, "I'll come." he'd barely taken his eyes off Claire since they'd joined her and her friends, he tried to look inconspicuous as he watched her twirl her long hair with her hand.  
  


* * *

 

"This is your house?" he questioned in near disbelief as Mandy opened the front door to let the five of them inside.

"No… we just broke in, better be quick or the cops will be after us," Mandy laughed loudly.

"Very funny," he deadpanned and lit a cigarette.

"You're not going to offer me one?" she smiled.

"Oh erm…" he fumbled with the packet.

She laughed, "I don't want one."

"I'll take one if you're offering," Sarah took slid one out of the packet and let her boyfriend light it for her.

"You're parents aren't coming home?" Matt asked as they entered the kitchen.

"Her parents are hardly ever home," Claire stated as she took off her coat, she grabbed some bottles from the fridge, "Let's go to the pool."

Matt stood by the edge of the pool, fully dressed, as the others began to take off their clothes, "Come on Matt!" Mandy laughed; she was stood in the pool in her underwear, "Are you shy?" she teased.

He took a swig from one of the bottles they'd been passing around, he kicked off his shoes and made to take off his top but he was suddenly pushed into the pool, he coughed and spluttered for a moment before laughing and looking up at Claire who had pushed him in. She jumped in after him and moved over so she was stood almost impossibly to close to him, he could feel her breath on his chest as she slid his wet top off, "That's better," she smiled and let the top float to the bottom of the pool.

* * *

Tom cornered him the next day at school, "So how was it?" he asked eagerly, "Did you do it?"

"It was fine," Matt replied shortly.

"It was fine," he repeated incredulously, "You didn't do it did you?"

Matt sighed, "It wasn't like in the movies… It was awkward to start off with…"

"But?" he questioned.

Matt grinned, "It was good. You should stop doing what your parents tell you, you could have got laid last night," he smirked.

"Yeah well my mm's…"

"Not in prison?" Matt teased.

"Will you see her again?" he asked.

For a moment Matt thought Tom was talking about his mom then he realised, "Yeah maybe. It was good and she is nice."

"And hot," Tom smirked.

"And hot," he nodded. Suddenly Tom nudged, he was looking behind him, Matt turned to see Claire walking along with three guys from her year. She walked straight past him without so much as a glance.

"Huh," Tom commented, "Maybe she didn't enjoy it as much as you did."

Matt shot him a look and slammed his locker shut feeling thoroughly deflated.

* * *

The day after his seventeenth birthday he visited his mom, he wasn't quite sure why he decided to do it, he didn't want to but it felt like the right thing to do so on a wet and miserable February day he found himself sat across from her. She'd made to hug him when she entered but the guard spoke strictly, "No touching."

"Did you have a good birthday?" she smiled.

"It was fine," he replied monotonously.

"What did you do? I thought about you. Did I ever tell you I was…"

"In labour with me for thirty-eight hours," he finished for her, he'd heard it all before, "Yeah, I know."

"You almost didn't make it but you're strong Matthew," she smiled. "Did you have a party?"

"No," he shook his head, "I didn't really do anything." It was a lie but he wasn't going to admit to getting so drunk in his friend's basement that he couldn't remember anything that had happened. There were flashes of images in his mind and I one point he thinks he may have nearly set the couch on fire. Fortunately his friend's dad had laughed their antics off in the morning, stating that boys will be boys.

"You're hair has grown," his mum commented.

He shrugged, "Yeah that's what happens."

"Your dad always preferred it short, so do I," she stated.

"Yeah because he didn't want me to look like a fag," he snarled, "Don't worry I remember."

His mom cleared her throat and changed the subject, "How's your sister?"

"I don't know," he replied, "I've not seen her since the funeral."

"She didn't come home for…"

"Home?" he questioned, "We don't have a home anymore."

"But you're living with your aunt and uncle," she said, "Michael?"

He nodded, "I'm moving out as soon as I can."

* * *

When Matt returned home his aunt waiting for him, "How was your mom? I imagine she was happy to see you," she smiled.

"Suppose she was," he replied indifferently.

"She has missed you," she said.

He frowned, "What?" How would she know anything about his mom?

"I've been writing to her," and instantly he lost the trust he'd placed with his aunt, he should never had started speaking to her as if they were friends, family even, he should never have started opening up to her.

"Why?" he questioned harshly.

"She wrote to me a few months ago, she's lonely," she explained.

"She's lonely…" he repeated, taken aback, "Of course she's lonely… and it's her own fault."

* * *

Two weeks after he turned seventeen he got sick, the doctor confirmed mono, his uncle was less than impressed, "Kissing disease," he'd scoffed when they were sat in the doctor's office. Matt spent nearly three weeks in a blur of chills, fever, vomiting, coughing and bad dreams and another three weeks slowly recovering. Life had carried on as usual around him, his aunt and uncle went to work, he'd spent most of his time alone although he would have barely remembered if anyone had been sat with him during his fever. He had received no visitors, no phone calls, he returned to school to find a pile of work to catch up on. An almost impossible task but he managed it eventually.

* * *

Matt's senior year came around faster than he could have imagined, his popularity had grown immensely since he'd purchased his first car but he was dubious of their intentions, it wasn't true friendship. He was invited to parties but he spent all the free time he had when he was not in class or studying working and still saving to move out. As soon as he was eighteen he wanted to move out of his aunt and uncles, he was grateful for everything they did for him but he didn't want to be anyone's burden.

The bell rung, Matt grabbed his backpack and headed for the classroom door but he was stopped by his teacher, "Matt can I have a word please?"

He sighed, it was the end of the day and he needed to get to work so he wasn't late for his shift, "'Course."

She placed his essay on the desk, "This is all right, you know your stuff, but it could be better, provide some deeper analysis. I know you can do it, I realise you have a lot essays and studying to do at the moment but going over this will help bump up your grade average," she explained.

"Erm…" he frowned looking down at the paper he had rushed to finish a few nights ago, "I guess I could go over it."

"Are you looking at colleges? If you need a reference I'll be happy to…"

He shook his head, "I'm not looking at colleges."

"You have something else lined up?" she questioned.

"I have a job," he replied, "It's part time at the moment but he'll be happy to take me on full time once I've graduated."

"You're not considering college at all? You're certainly bright enough," she smiled warmly, "I can help you look into it if you want."

"I don't need any help," he stated.

* * *

Two days later Matt handed his English teacher a new copy of his essay, "This looks longer," she stated.

He shrugged, "You asked for deeper analysis." He walked away from her desk but turned back to face her once he reached the door, "You asked if I was considering college at all, I had considered it but I don't think it's for me... I don't know, a job just seems simple, easy…"

"You want easy?" she asked.

"I want… I don't know what I want… I guess I want to be useful. I don't want to be stuck in an office," he said adamantly.

"Did your parents go to college?" she wondered.

"My mom did," he replied.

"And what does she do now?" she questioned, wanting to show him that going to college would be beneficial in the long run.

His eyes widened, of course she didn't know, she'd only started teaching here during his senior year and his parents were rarely mentioned among the gossip that travelled through the school corridors nowadays thankfully. "She's in prison."

"Oh," came the expected reaction, "Sorry."

He scoffed, "Not your fault."

"Have you looked at community college or anything else?" she asked.

"I erm… last year I looked into how to become a firefighter," he admitted.

"That would definitely be classed as useful," she smiled.

"Yeah it would but I'd never be able to do it, I wouldn't be good enough," he said dismissively, "I've got class to get to."

She nodded, "I'll get this marked for you before the end of the week."

* * *

A few weeks later he was called behind after his English class again, his teacher was smiling broadly as she spoke, "So I was chatting the careers advisor, you're all due to see him in a few weeks anyway but I wanted to find a few things out for you."

"Why?" he frowned, "Why are you trying to help me?"

"Because I don't want to see you do something you're more than capable of, you're smart and personable, you work hard and I'd hate it to all be for nothing," she replied honestly.

"No-one has ever…" he trailed off, stopped himself from saying anymore, "Thanks I guess, but I have to go, I need to be at work in half an hour."

"I'll be quick," she smiled, "There's something called Fire Science, it's a course to give you an idea about all the aspects of firefighting, a lot of people do it because you have to be twenty-one to be a firefighter. It's at community college, you can still work part time whilst you complete it and if you don't like it, if you want to quit, then you've not really lost anything. I've got you a brochure for the course at Malcolm X. You'll meet the entry requirements and they do offer financial aid."


	4. Don't Intend on Failing

Matt stood outside the Fire Academy, he'd completed his course at community college, he was soon to turn twenty-one and ready to start the Firefighter II training programme. He had already obtained his EMT B certificate during college. He would be lying if he said he wasn't nervous, in fact he was petrified, after gaining his associates degree there was nothing he wanted more than to become a firefighter, it was a worthy profession, he'd like to think it would make his father proud, he hoped it would make his mom proud but so far she seemed less than impressed with his career choice. His aunt had been proud when he'd informed her over the phone that he'd been accepted into the academy. He'd not spoken to his sister for some time so he'd not bothered to mention it to her, she had her own life, she was engaged her college sweetheart and they were living in New York together. There were butterflies fluttering around his stomach as he entered the building. He wanted this more than anything, it's all he had been working towards since graduating high school.

"Matt Casey," he provided his name when he reached the registration desk.

The man gave him a quick glance, "Casey… Casey… Ah here we go," he looked up from the clipboard, "Here you go," he handed him a numbered locker key and stated, "You need to report to assembly hall in fifteen minutes."

Matt didn't miss the curious look he got from the older ginger haired candidate next to him as the man at the desk had repeated his surname.

Before reporting to the assembly hall he joined a number of other trainees in the locker room, he found his assigned locker, changed and deposited his bag. He closed it and slipped the key into his pocket. He turned away but very nearly bumped into the man next to him, who smiled broadly, "Hi! I'm Andy, Andy Darden," he held out his hand and Matt shook it.

"Matt Casey," he provided.

"Darden get over here!" a big built man with dark hair called over from the entranceway, he was stood next to an officer with a white shirt.

"See ya!" Darden spoke quickly before slipping away.

Matt felt a sudden panic, everyone already seemed to be chatting, making friends, did they all already know each other? Had he missed some sort of pre training meeting where they'd all become friends or acquaintances? Then he realised that of course a few had probably come straight from doing their EMT training together but he had already gained his, supposedly this was an advantage but he couldn't help but feel disadvantaged by not knowing anyone.

As he walked out of the locker room he could hear Darden being introduced as a friend from school to the officer in a white shirt just to confirm his inner thoughts. He was going to be an outsider.

* * *

Just because it was their first day of training for the Firefighter II test did not mean the officers in charge were lenient on them. A roll call was taken in the assembly hall and after an inspiring speech all the candidates participated in their first physical fitness performance sequence to establish each individuals baseline level even though they had all passed the rigorous fitness requirements to enter the programme.

Matt was actually glad to sit down in the classroom afterwards, not that he would ever admit that to anyone. He could only do so much in his tiny apartment in preparation for the physical side of the training, he'd been given a few dumbbells from a friend at work, he mainly used his own body weight when training but what he enjoyed the most was running. His apartment was small and cramped, he washed, ate and slept in the one room, so it was refreshing to pound the streets in the early hours of the morning.

The day went by quickly. All of a sudden it was 4pm and it felt like he'd only been there a few hours. A sign that he'd enjoyed it, something his mom would have said when he was younger. He rushed off to work after showering and collapsed onto his fold down bed with exhaustion when he returned home not long after midnight.

* * *

Day two started off with their first quiz. Matt thought it seemed rather cruel for the second day since they had to average 75% on all tests, quizzes and homework set but nevertheless he put his head down and got on with it.He wondered how the others coped with it, not everyone had any previous formal firefighting education like he did after the course he completed at community college.

Other than one physical fitness session their day was mostly classroom based. During a short break Matt stood outside in the fresh air and lit a cigarette, a shadow came over him, someone had joined him by the wall.   
  
"Can I have a light?" it was Andy Darden, Matt smiled and lit the cigarette held in Darden's outstretched hand, the man leant his back against the wall beside him and took a long drag, "My fiancée wants me to quit. I'm fairly certain she won't set a wedding date until I do," he laughed.

Matt smiled, "You must love her. Don't think I'd survive without them," he exhaled a long breath, "Them and caffeine," he added.   
  
Later in the day Matt noticed Darden sit with Severide and a few others over lunch. Over the short course of their training so far it had become apparent that Severide was deemed the golden child, the man of the moment. From what Matt had overheard his father was a Captain in the CFD, a former squad firefighter who now worked in the arson investigation department. It was no wonder his son was so popular with the other candidates. He was an entitled cocky bastard as far as Matt was concerned.

* * *

It was just after 4pm on the Friday at the end of their first week of firefighter training, Matt had showered and changed quickly but his exit was delayed.

"Come for a drink with us?" Darden said as he walked up to him.

Matt grabbed his bag from the locker, "I can't sorry."

At that point Severide joined them, "He's too busy for us," he commented. Severide hadn't missed out on the fact that Casey quickly disappeared as soon as each day was over.

"Kelly…" Darden warned.

"I am sorry," he replied genuinely, "Maybe another time," he chucked his bag over his arm and rushed off to work.

* * *

"Matt," Louise walked up to him behind the bar. It was a Friday night but the place quietening down as many moved on other livelier places, there were only three of them serving now.

"What do you want?" he smiled as he wiped a glass clean and placed it back on the shelf.

"Can you take a table for me?" she asked, "Please."

"Why?" he frowned.

Louise turned and indicated the table in questioned, "They're drunk and they're behaving like dicks…"

"Oh for fucks sake..." he muttered when his eyes caught the faces of the men sat in the far corner of the room.

"Matt?" concern eminent in her tone.

"I know them," he sighed.

"You know them?" she questioned with surprise.

"Not out of choice," he mumbled.

* * *

"Matthew Casey," Severide drolled when he noticed the appearance of the blond in front of him.

"You ready to order?" Matt questioned.

Severide looked down at the menu, "No I don't think we are."

Matt held back a sigh, "We stop serving food in ten minutes."

"Well you better be back with us before then," Severide smirked.

He bit his lip before asking, "What would you all like to drink?"

After taking their order he went back to the bar. He sighed heavily as he began to make their drinks, he'd only be stuck with them for ten weeks, he could do ten weeks, ten weeks was nothing and one week had already past. He looked over to their table when he heard a loud guffaw of laughter, was he jealous that he was behind the bar and they were having fun? He tried to bury down the envious monster that had erupted in his chest, he didn't want to be with them, for starters they had been rude and were acting like children, not grown men, but part of him wished for that, wished for the ease in which they seemed to live their lives.

* * *

On Monday Darden caught up with Matt as they were all out for a run during one of physical fitness sessions. They participated in physical conditioning activities for two hours, four or five times a week and were expected to do more in their free time since the job would require them to work rigorous twenty-four hour shifts.

"I'm sorry about Friday night," Darden began a little breathlessly, "Kelly gets loud when he drinks and he'd drunk a lot, end of the first week and all that," he smiled.

"Don't apologise for him," he stated, "Besides I've worked there long enough to…"

"Right," Darden said, "Although strictly we're not allowed jobs outside of this..?"

"No we're not," he replied and sped up his pace, Darden dropped behind him, he didn't want to explain that he'd just about had to plead his case to keep working alongside training, he didn't want to tell him that he had two part time jobs and only just managed to make ends meet, he didn't want to admit that to anyone.

* * *

Matt was continuously doing well in all aspects of his training, he was currently averaging 87% on all his tests and written work and his instructors were all pleased with his physical fitness tests.

"What the hell are you so happy about?" it was Ted Griffin, a stern looking man, one of the older candidates but apparently that didn't mean he was at all pleasant or friendly, a man who would rather blame others for his failures than work harder to overcome his weaknesses.

Matt folded up his test score paper but not nearly early enough so Griffin couldn't catch the large letters showing Matts current average.

"You must be a cheat..." Griffin scoffed, "Look at you! I bet you're sleeping your way through here. You're a fag."

Griffin pushed past him and he scrunched his eyes shut for a brief moment recalling his father's words all those years ago.

* * *

Tiredly Matt made his way into the locker room, he was now three weeks into his training, he'd gotten a few odd looks as he'd walked through the academy building but he blamed his late night for his paranoid thoughts.

His heart plummeted down to his stomach when he stepped into the locker room; plastered all over the place were copies of the only article ever written about his mother's trial. He span around looking a culprit.

"How old are you? Twelve?" Matt called out loudly as he walked over to Griffin who was stood by the door with two friends as if he was waiting for his reaction.

"What are you going to do Casey?" Griffin snarled, "Shoot me?"

Matt saw red and all of a sudden Griffin was pinned between his arm and the wall, he quickly let go as if the man's top had scolded him.

* * *

Severide was just strolling into the locker room when a blur of bright blond hair almost knocked him over. "What the hell…" he muttered, he turned round to yell after the man but he'd already vanished so he shook his head and entered the locker room to find Griffin stood amongst his friends looking incredibly smug, there were pieces of paper scattered and plastered all over the locker room. "God..." he'd taken a closer look at the papers. "That was a dick move," he stated as he walked back past Griffin.

He found Casey pacing outside, cigarette in hand. He was about to say something as he walked up to the man but Casey didn't give him a chance.

"What the fuck do you want?" Casey almost shouted at him as he approached.

Severide held up his hands in mock surrender about to ask Casey if he was all right but instead he stated, "You're gonna be late."

"Wow you can read the time!" Casey exclaimed, "You may have just learnt how but I've known…"

"Whatever," Severide dismissed and stalked away leaving Casey to stub out his cigarette, take a deep breath and re-enter the building.

* * *

Matt entered the classroom and unsurprisingly all eyes were on him, he felt like he was sixteen again as he made his way to the only empty desk left whilst everyone muttered and cast their previously staring eyes away when he walked past.

The empty desk just so happened to be next the one Darden was sat at, pen already in hand ready to take notes, "Are you all right?"

"Fine," he responded with a tight lipped smile as he reached for his notepad and pen.

* * *

Matt had been looking forward to this day since the start of the training, they were three weeks in and today they were spending most of the morning at a working firehouse although many of other candidates didn't appear as enthusiastic as he felt.

His enthusiasm soon wavered; it didn't take long once they'd arrived at the station for Severide's popularity to shine through once again. Matt wondered how he would ever get on in the CFD if he didn't have any family or contacts within the department no matter how hard he worked as he stood with the others listening into Severide's conversation.

"Kelly!" one of the officers in the house greeted him cheerfully, "How's your father getting on in AI? I hear he's become a great investigator, let him know my wife's throwing a little get together at the weekend, have him call me. Of course you're welcome come to; you can let me how well you're doing."

* * *

Matt had been asked to visit one of the main offices that afternoon, he waited nervously outside, he was fairly certain he was still doing well, he was managing to complete the timed tasks on time, he was never last to finish an exercise and he'd received no negative feedback from any written work so he wondered why he had been summoned.

"Mr Casey," a sour faced man greeted as he entered after nearly twenty minutes of waiting.

"Captain," Matt smiled when he sat down.

"We've not had your final payment for your training," the captain explained, "Were you going to bring in a cheque?"

Matt's heart hammered in his chest but he replied calmly, "I was told the second instalment would leave my bank account half way though the course, the start of the fifth week?" It was only getting towards the end of the third week, he had been putting money aside each week he was paid having figured out how much he needed to save to pay for the rest of the course but it was no wonder the bank had declined the transfer since it would be two more weeks before he had enough. He'd had to buy a new battery for his car a couple of weeks ago, it had thrown him off his budget so he didn't have any spare money.

"Well… there must have been some sort of miscommunication, I can give you a few more days, will that be sufficient?" the captain questioned, "I do know we have allowed you to remain working alongside you're training because of your circumstances but we can't waive any fees no matter how well you're getting on."

Quickly he replied, "I'm not asking you to. Like you said Captain, there must have been some miscommunication. I'll get it all sorted for Monday. I am so sorry, I honestly thought I had another two weeks," he could have reeled off excuses but he didn't see the point in excusing himself even though he hated to appear unorganised when the fact was he had previously been told a different date for the second fee instalment.

* * *

Matt sighed, he was stood outside the academy at the payphone, the phone was finally picked up at the other end, he could hear the busy background noise and a clatter of plates, "Hey it's Matt, is the manager in?" he waited a few moments to speak to his boss. "David," he greeted when the phone was answered again, "I was wondering if I could get some extra shifts over the next couple weeks; I can do every day from five; I don't care if it's just pot washing, I could really do with the cash," he admitted.

"I'll give you as much as I can," David replied with his warm friendly voice.

"Thank you so much," he said relieved he that he should still be able to pay his rent at the end of the month after using all of his pay this week to finish paying his fees.

"It's no problem for me, the customers love you and your swimwear model looks," David laughed.

* * *

Matt ended up working both Saturday and Sunday night at the bar after working all day at the mini market store as well, he would have to spend his breaks at work and at the academy doing his homework and any studying for the quizzes and tests. By the middle of his shift on Sunday night at the bar he was exhausted, he'd been on his feet all weekend but at least Louise was working with him, he always enjoyed his shifts with her; Louise was a little older than him and had shown him the ropes on his first day, and they quickly became friends with benefits.

"David said you were after extra shifts? Do you want a couple of mine next week?" Louise asked as she began to pour a couple of drinks.

"Lou I can't take your…"

"It's fine, I can forego some retail therapy this month so you can pay your rent," she smiled and then teased, "You have switched on your heating now, haven't you? Your place was freezing cold the last time I was there!"

"Yeah 'course," he smiled.

"You're a terrible liar Matthew Casey," she grinned, "Do you want to come to mine after we close up?"

"I can't," he replied glumly, "I have to be at the academy before eight."

"You know I sleep like a log, you won't wake me when you leave," she smiled.

* * *

The next morning he overslept and barely made to the academy on time, he rushed into the assembly hall to discover they were all being organised into pairs, as he had rushed in he'd stood in the only spot available which just so happened to be next to Kelly Severide. They were paired together as a result. They exchanged disgruntled looks with each other before heading outside with their equipment. They were to go through the burn house, it was a timed test and Severide was less than impressed that he was stuck with Casey.

"Ha have fun losing with him Severide," Griffin scoffed as he walked past them.

"What the hell is that guys problem?" Severide muttered, he turned to Casey "Did you two sleep together or something?"

"What?" Matt said taken aback by the question.

"What did you do to piss him off?" he rephrased the question.

"I…" he shook his head, "I don't think I did anything."

"Ah crap…" Severide was looking beyond his partner now.

Casey turned, "Your dad?"

Severide ignored him and snapped, "Are you ready for this? You have less than seven…"

"Seven minutes, I know," Casey snarled, "Are you ready? I don't intend on failing because of you."

"Me?" Severide scoffed, "I belong here."

* * *

They both entered the burn house confidently, furious at each other, both determined to outdo the other only to quickly realise why the first time they were all sent inside was as pairs. They could barely see anything and their fury with each other quickly faded away as they helped each other through the thick smoke and obstacles.

Matt was less than a metre in front of Severide when he heard him swear, he stopped and turned back, "Severide?"

"My leg's stuck… I can't see what… shit… we're never going to…"

"Shut up, let me look," Matt said forcefully, he didn't need him to panic, he edged over to him and quickly discovered that Severide's turnout trousers were caught on some wire, he made a quick job of releasing them and they soon exited the building with nearly one minute to spare.

* * *

"Damnit," Severide muttered and he scrunched up the paper he held in his hand just as Casey walked by.

Casey had stopped in his tracks, for a moment the man just stood by him as if contemplating whether not to proceed with his next words, "Are you all right?"

"Go away Casey," he sighed.

Tentatively Casey replied, "… I can help if you want?" he was eying the crumpled paper, presumably a test score sheet which was still held in his grasp, "I have loads of notes you can borrow and…"

"I don't need your help," he spat.

"And I don't want to help you..." Casey shot back, "Your dad's a big shot firefighter, you're trying to live up to him, that's what everyone expects, right? Doesn't mean it'll come naturally, you've probably got to work harder than…"

"You think I'm doing this for my father's approval? Do you do everything to get your fathers approval?" he grimaced inwardly having almost completely forgotten about the article that Griffin had plastered around the locker room a couple of weeks ago, the man had still not let it go, Severide noticed him glaring at Casey, purposely bumping into him, taking equipment he was about to use and mentioning the man's parents at any chance he got.

Casey shrugged, "If he wasn't dead then I probably would, I think every kid, no matter how old, wants their parent's approval."

"Sorry..." he stated.

Casey just frowned questioningly.

"That your dad's dead," he provided with a raised eyebrow as if it should have been obvious what he was apologising for.

"Oh… right…" Casey's frown remained, "Erm I'll bring the notes tomorrow?"

"Thanks."


	5. Goody Two Shoes

"Casey! Case!" Severide called over to the blond as they entered the academy grounds. Eventually he realised his name was being called out and looked up to find Severide and Andy walking towards him. "Long weekend partying?" Severide teased.

"Huh?" he questioned tiredly as he stubbed out his cigarette.

"Long weekend partying?" Andy repeated Severides question with a lopsided grin on his face.

"Oh yeah something like that," he replied. He had of course spent the entire weekend working, studying and working out. It wasn't long until their physical test although he wasn't overly worried about it since every practice he managed it perfectly fine, he was more worried about the written test although his average quiz test scores were remained high.

* * *

As it got progressively closer towards the end of the week it became increasingly harder to wake up when his alarm went off at 6am for his morning run. He had to drag himself out of bed, all the time thinking how he was looking forward to getting back into bed at the end of the day, only tonight he was working and he doubted they'd close up the bar until the early hours of the morning since it was student night.

He ended up cutting his run short, he was used to finding his early morning workouts refreshing but today he just felt exhausted, he even treated himself to using the hot water for longer whilst he showered. The next three weeks were going to test him, not because he would be literally tested at the academy but because his strength was wearing thin, he felt like he needed at least a whole weekend in bed to recover but he couldn't get behind on anything, he couldn't get behind on his rent, his bills, his studying. He just had to get through the next three weeks. If he was lucky enough to get a spot at a firehouse quite swiftly he could quit one of his jobs and still be earning more money.

The glass shattered around his feet and as he bent down to pick up the larger shards from behind the bar that night all could think of was how glad he was that the glass had been empty and that they had already closed up for the night so there was no jeering or sarcastic applause from any of the patrons.

"Stop Matt..." Louise placed her hand on his, "You're going to cut yourself. I'll finish up, go home, you look dead on your feet."

"I'm not leaving you on your own to close up at 1am," he stated.

"Well at least just go and sit down. I'll clean this up and then we can go, you can stay the night at mine if you want?"

* * *

After shutting his locker Matt went in search of coffee, he'd slept through his alarm that morning and was currently running on empty. Severide and Darden joined him when they saw him walk out of the locker room.

Griffin and a couple of his friends were walking towards them, Griffin caught Matt's eye as he walked past him, his shoulder knocking the blond, "Oh sorry Casey, didn't see you there."

Matt stopped in his tracks and turned to face him, "Keep talking Griffin, one day you might say something intelligent."

As he turned back to join Severide and Darden he heard Griffin laugh amongst his friends, "Guess Casey's mom has bigger balls than her son," he scoffed, "Although I bet she's not as pretty…"

In less than three seconds Griffin was flat on his back, blood pouring out of his nose, and Matt was on his knees over his cowering form as he continued the assault. A bemused expression lay across Severide's face, he'd never expected such actions from Casey, whilst Darden's face was etched with worry. Severide quickly broke from his shock to help Darden drag Casey up and away before he caused any more damage because it didn't look like he was about to let up anytime soon.

* * *

Matt was sat outside Chief Delaney's office trying his best think of a compelling reason to keep him at the academy but all he wanted to do was go outside and smoke, he needed to calm down, his heart was hammering in his chest, he'd knew as soon as he turned round and saw Griffins snarling face that he wasn't going to be able to stop himself, not this time, and he'd known just how much trouble it was going to get him in. He'd be lucky if he just got a warning never mind expulsion from the academy. The CFD didn't want men like him, out of control, a lose canon, a hot head. "Damnit," he muttered, his hand was throbbing, it felt like it was twice the size it looked but the throbbing, the pain, he deserved it.

"Casey," he looked up to find Severide holding an ice pack, "For your hand."

"I'm fine."

"Take it," Severide stated, "Or it'll feel a hell of a lot worse tomorrow," of course Severide didn't know that he already knew that, "I'm going to speak to him before you do, give a statement, Darden's in there now too and I've met Delaney a few times, he knows my dad…"

"No don't," he said suddenly, he didn't want Severide to use his father to help him, he'd got himself into this mess, he wasn't going to let anyone attempt to get him off the hook.

"You don't deserve to get kicked out because of this, it wasn't your fault," Severide replied.

"I hit him."

"He's been provoking you since day one," Severide countered.

"Severide I don't need your help, I don't need…"

"You don't need anyone's help I know. But let me do this for you. Let me do something good."

* * *

"Mr Casey you can go in now," a woman said as Severide walked out of the door, he gave him a curt nod as he walked past.

"Take a seat Mr Casey," Chief Delaney stated as Matt walked into his office. It still felt strange to be addressed as Mr Casey. That was his father.

"Chief I don't have an excuse for my behaviour," Matt began as he sat down, "There's nothing that can excuse… I'm sorry for what I did and for then wasting your time. I have no excuse. I shouldn't have done it, I…"

The chief raised a hand from the desk halting Matt's speech, "You're right, you shouldn't have done it and I wouldn't usually excuse such actions."

"Usually?"

"It's not first time that I have heard Griffin's name in my office, it is however the first time I have heard of yours," Chief Delaney replied, "Do you not think CFD gives second chances?"

"I hit a fellow classmate," it was inexcusable behaviour.

"And it sounds like you regret it, do you?"

Matt opened his mouth to reply, he nearly hesitated, "Yes," but he didn't regret it one bit, the throbbing in his hand felt like a victory and it also made him feel guilty, sick inside, he should regret his actions but he didn't, he was just as bad as his mom.

"That will do. I believe you have a vehicle operating class to get to."

* * *

A few hours later Casey walked out of class, it was time for lunch but his stomach was reeling, he sighed inwardly when Severide and Darden caught up with him, he wanted to be left alone, he'd purposefully gathered his things quickly and sped out of the room.

"Obviously they didn't kick you out then," Severide smiled and kept up with his pace.

"Obviously," Matt replied, they stepped outside and he lit a cigarette before drawing deep breath, inhaling, calming himself, he still felt on edge from the morning's events, his hand was still throbbing. Darden and Severide were still stood by him, "What do you want?"

Darden just shook his head, they didn't want anything, "Are you all right?"

"Fine."

"Casey…" Severide began, "What exactly did your mom do? We all saw that article... she killed someone?"

He glared, "What does it even matter to you?" his defences will still on high, and really why did everyone need to know his business?

"Look I deserve to know that that much, I defended…"

"Defended me? I didn't ask you to defend me. In fact I specifically remember telling you not to do anything," he was yelling now, the words were falling out of his mouth, there was no stopping them, he was exhausted, already annoyed at himself and there was no holding back his anger.

Severide threw his arms up, "Whatever," he stated spitefully before heading back inside the building.

Darden approached Matt with a little caution as Severide stormed away, "He…"

"Is an ass?" Matt scoffed.

"He can be… but what I was going to say is that he's nosy, he's always liked to get involved with other people's business. He wasn't trying to be arse," then he added pointedly, "Aside from all that, I thought we were becoming friends, that we were friends."

Darden left him alone outside.

* * *

Matt found Severide and Darden in the locker room; the place was deserted as the others were still eating lunch. Darden was leaning against a locker but stopped chatting to Severide and walked out of the room wordlessly.

As Darden left Matt approached the bench slowly, "I'm sorry," he stated, "I shouldn't have yelled at you."

Severide stood up from the bench, "I shouldn't have…"

But before Severide could finish he began, "My mom killed my dad. Shot him. She murdered him," he was speaking emotionlessly and then explained further, "She deliberately went over to his house and shot him."

"That's…" Kelly Severide lost for words for one of the first times in his life

"A bit extreme?" Matt smiled self-deprecatingly, "Yeah..."

"Were you there?" Severide asked suddenly.

"Trying to gauge how fucked up I am?" he questioned. "No I wasn't there," he shook his head.

"How old were you?"

"Sixteen."

"My dad's not what everyone here makes him out to be. He walked out on my mom and me when I was eleven," Severide explained. "What did your dad do?" but the look on Casey's told him he wasn't going to get any more answers today, "Right… no more questions I promise."

* * *

"Damnit!" Matt hit the dashboard after his fifth attempt to start his car engine failed. Not what he wanted on a Monday morning.

Matt made it to the first class of the day just on time, he'd abandoned his car outside his apartment block and jumped on the next bus that took him in the direction he needed.

On discovering Casey's predicament later that day Severide said, "What's your address? I'll swing by and pick you up in the morning, can drop you back later too if you want?"

"I figured I might as well run back but… but yeah a lift in the morning would great. My car won't be fixed until next week," he explained.

"You want me to take a look at it?" Severide asked.

"Thanks but I've already asked my friends brother," he was fortunate that Louise's brother was a mechanic, he was going to look over it and do the work for free, Matt would just need to pay for any parts.

"No worries," Severide smiled, "Here write your address down for me," and he handed him a small scrap of paper.

Just as Matt scribbled his address down Griffin walked past them, he was sporting two black eyes, a cut lip and Severide could swear that his nose didn't look quite as straight as before, but for the first time since Matt had met him Griffin walked past without so much as a sideways glance. He definitely did not regret last week's actions.

* * *

That evening he ran home, showered and managed to study for an hour before catching the bus to work, he'd rather have walked but he'd not managed to fit in much studying over the weekend so it took priority.

"Always know it's gonna be a good shift when we're on together," Louise greeted him when he got to work, "Whoa... what the hell did you do to your hand?" of course he'd not seen her since he knocked Griffin out.

"Accident last week," he brushed it off.

"An accident my ass," she laughed, "You're not working here tomorrow night, you working at the store?"

"Nope," he smiled, "Night off finally!"

"How about a night out? Or do you need your beauty sleep?" she grinned.

"Yeah all right," he nodded, "Night out sounds good."

"I'll call some friends. Bring some people from the academy, it'd be nice to meet some firefighters."

"Nah they wouldn't want to," he replied, although it was more of a case of not wanting them to join him, he wanted to keep those lives separate.

* * *

The next day Severide drove Casey to the academy, he had picked him up from outside of his building as promised.

"Do you box?" Severide questioned as they neared the academy.

"A little," he replied, "Don't really have the time or the spare cash."

"Well if you ever want to blow off steam you should come with me, hash it out it with gloves 'cause I'm pretty sure you'd have killed Griffin if Darden and… God… sorry…"

"It was five years ago. I'm over it," but his thick and heavy voice said otherwise.

"Right…"

Matt decided it was time to deflect the subject away from his past, "Thanks for picking me up, my car should be sorted for next week."

* * *

After finishing at the academy for the day Matt ran home, saving on bus fare and exercising at the same time seemed like a smart idea but he was shattered by the time he made it home, it probably hadn't helped that he'd spent the morning participating in the physical fitness sequence. Once he was home he ate, showered and changed before walking several blocks to meet Louise.

"Matt!" Louise called over to him from the bar, she was walking hand in hand with a taller man, "This is David," she smiled, "Ready to party the night away?"

* * *

Matt woke up slowly, his head felt foggy, his whole body felt slow to respond, he cracked open his eyes, they widened at the sight he discovered, he was lying naked stomach down on his bed, a man he vaguely recalled from last night was lying next to him and he could see Louise's blonde hair just beyond him. He glanced at his alarm clock and let his eyes drift close when he realised he didn't need to wake up for another hour or so.

The next time he woke it was to the sound of Louise calling his name and frantic knocking at his front door, "Matt? Someone's at the door… you gonna get up?"

He rolled over and groaned, it felt far too early, it felt like he'd hardly had any sleep all week never mind just last night.

"Hi," Louise opened the door.

"Hello," Severide grinned, "Erm.." Louise was barely wearing anything, "… Matt Casey lives here right? I'm his friend Kelly," he'd waited outside in his car for him yesterday morning, he'd not ventured up the run-down stairs and through the dingy corridor to find the man's apartment.

"Come in," she opened the door wider to allow him inside, "He's just getting up."

Matt was still lying groggily on the bed when Louise announced that Kelly was there but as soon as he opened his eyes she needn't have said anything as he saw him immediately. He sat bolt upright and grabbed a throw to protect his dignity although he was sure that was gone now Severide had found him naked in his apartment with his best friend and a guy he'd met only last night.

"You're early..." he croaked.

"I wanted to scrounge some coffee off you before we left," Severide explained as he looked around the small apartment.

"Counter," he pointed to the kitchen area.

"You live in one room," Severide noted.

"Help yourself to coffee, I'm gonna get dressed," he said, still in a state of shock at having been found in such a compromising position. Trust his car to break down this week and for him to make the irresponsible decision to spend a weeknight out getting so plastered he could a barely remember how he ended up in bed with Louise and her friend.

* * *

"Do you mind?" Matt indicated the pack of cigarettes in his hand.

"Go ahead," Severide replied as he turned on the engine and pulled off the curb. Matt cracked open the passenger side window and pulled out his lighter, "You know that's a really bad habit, right?"

Severide's comment didn't stop him from lighting up, "And you don't have any bad habits?"

He didn't reply. "Do you know them?" he questioned a moment later assuming Casey would understand who he was talking about.

"No… I just left two strangers in my apartment," Matt scoffed, "Well… one stranger… I work with Lou," he explained.

"Ah I thought I recognised her," he replied.

Matt bit back a comment about being an ass to her over a month ago.

"Erm… are you…" Severide began awkwardly as he kept his eyes on the road ahead, "… Do you like guys then?"

"If I say yes are you going to kick me out of the car?" he teased.

"Well you were naked in bed with a guy…"

"I don't believe that you of all people have never had a threesome?" he smiled. Kelly Severide had a well-known reputation, not just because of his father but because of his serial one night stands with anyone he sets his eyes on, "Besides I don't really remember what happened last night."

Severide's eyes widened in mock shock, "He smokes, he drinks, he can knock a man down in punch… Not such a goody two shoes after all."


	6. Greatest Achievement

The big day had finally arrived - test day.

"You boys ready?!" Severide beamed as he marched over to Matt and Darden, with his bag slung over one shoulder.

"Reckon I'm gonna throw up," Darden said quietly, Matt flashed a look of concern in his direction, noticing he looked somewhat pale and sweaty. "Mine and and Heather's whole Goddamn families seem to be expecting greatness and they've gone and planned a massive shindig after the ceremony next week… if I get to graduate that is… they've probably gone and jinxed it all now anyway…"

Matt smiled, "Thank God my mother's behind bars then! Any excuse for a party," he laughed.

"No-one's coming for you then?"

"Nah, don't want my aunt to come all the way up from Florida just to see me being passed a badge, not worth the fare," he commented, "Your dad coming?"

"Oh yeah," Severide replied wryly, "Him and whoever's he's screwing at the moment."

"Yeah well just I'm glad my family drama's locked behind bars."

Severide didn't miss the way Matt dropped his eye contact and fumbled for a cigarette, needing to avoid any discussion about his family. "Well I reckon we should all leave after the ceremony, pick some girls up and go get hammered!" Severide grinned.

"Can't," Darden stated.

"Huh?"

"My parents will inevitably invite you to the party," Darden explained.

"Well they do make nice food," Severide conceded, "You guys thought about firehouses yet?"

"We haven't even our final tests yet, let alone passed them and you're talking about houses?" Matt questioned incredulously.

"I need to get into a rescue team ASAP," Severide stated.

"Rescue Squad?" he quizzed, he himself didn't have such aims, if he passed and got a position then that was good enough.

"The best of the best," Severide stated, "Doesn't everyone want to be on Rescue Squad?"

"Could be years before you're even considered for… oh your dad was on Squad wasn't he? That'll certainly make things easier for you," he threw down his cigarette stub and ground it under his boot, leaving Severide and Darden staring at his back as he walked away.

"Dug yourself into a hole with that one didn't you?" Darden commented as he smiled at Severide.

* * *

Matt couldn't help but grin as he crossed the finish line at the end of his physical test, he felt like he'd made good time and he'd completed every one of the required objectives. Darden was next across and Severide was one of the last to finish, having done it in alphabetical order.

"You think you beat your pops time?" someone asked Severide.

"Of course I did," he grinned.

"You'll never hear the end of it if you didn't even match it," the other trainee sniggered.

"Not worried," Severide replied arrogantly, "I've passed and I can beat my old man any day."

All their times were listed and posted on a notice outside the locker room whilst they all showered and changed.

Darden strolled up to Matt just as he was closing his locker, "The times are up."

"You pass?" he asked, picking up his bag.

Darden nodded, "You better go have a look," he smiled.

As Matt walked up to the board he received a couple of congratulations from fellow trainees, "Hey Casey well done," they shook his hand.

"Thanks…" he replied, a little unsure. Severide was staring at the list, he didn't look impressed, "You didn't make the time?" he questioned, he was certain Severide would have passed the physical with flying colours, he'd always made good time during their training.

"Course I did," Severide replied.

"Why'd you look so pissed off then…" he muttered as he searched the list for his own name. He looked across to his time and smiled, "I did it… I actually did it."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, well done..." Severide mocked as he turned and pushed passed him and left him to discover the reason Severide was so miserable. He'd beaten Severide's time by a mere two seconds, in fact Matt had the quickest time out of their group. He couldn't help but smile again, he'd been working so hard towards this and now he'd achieved what he wanted, and not only was he going to graduate, he'd be passing with above average test scores. He hadn't wanted to expect success, he hadn't want to pin his future on it, hadn't want to let himself down. All his efforts over the last few months had finally paid off. He ought to be going out to celebrate but all he wanted to do was sleep, and what he had to do was go to work in a few hours. Passing the training didn't mean he'd suddenly not have bills to pay and food to buy.

Darden walked up to him, "Well done man."

"You too," he couldn't keep the grin off his face, "We did it Andy. We did it!"

"Yeah we did. And this time next week we'll have graduated… scary to think we could be on the job soon."

"Not so scary," Matt shook his head, "It'll be great. You'll be great."

* * *

Matt walked into his dingy little apartment after a day spent working to his aunts voice on the phone, _"…_ _get a chance, call…"_

He snatched up the handset, "I'm here," he announced, "Just got in from work, is everything all right?"

 _"_ _Yess we're fine Matt,"_ Laura replied, _"_ _I wanted to congratulate you."_  
  
"Yeah sorry I only left a message yesterday but…"

 _"_ _But you had work, I know,"_ he could tell by her voice that she was smiling, " _Really Matt, well done, I know it's not easy. Have you told your mom yet?"_

"Not had chance to visit," he explained.

 _"_ _Oh of course not, all those jobs you do,"_ she commented.

"I'll go after graduation, show her the badge."

 _"_ _She'll like that."_  
  
"I hope so," he replied.

 _"_ _She'll be proud of you,"_ she stated.

"She tells me that every time I visit, that I'm her greatest achievement. Don't think she'd be saying that if Christie was on speaking terms with her though," his face darkened.  
 _  
"_ _Well I think you deserve to be proud of yourself Matt,"_ she replied, she knew how difficult he found his visits with his mom. Often he just felt obliged to go, sometimes he had little to say to her and other times it was like nothing had ever happened and he'd just talk through his week, never mentioning he was only just able to scrape by, never complaining about money issues. Over the years he had learned to put on an act, everything was fine, everything was good. She'd be appealed if she ever saw his apartment but he would never complain, never blame her or worry her about it. He put up walls, hid it all from her. It was so much easier than seeing a hurt look across her face, easier than letting her know how sometimes he was so cold he couldn't sleep despite his exhaustion from working two jobs.

"Got at least nine months of probationary work to get through once I get assigned a house, still might not make the cut," he went on. Despite passing the exam he was unsure when he'd start work as a firefighter. No assignments had been announced yet. He would find out after he graduated if he had a position at a firehouse.

 _"You'll get a job Matt, you know you will. I know you will,"_ she replied, _"When is the ceremony?"_

"Don't come all the way up here. I'm only being given a badge, that's all, done all the work. It's too expensive just to come up for such a short time," he insisted, "Anyway Lou'll be there if she not working." His aunt and uncle had been living in Florida for the last eleven months, his uncle had retired and they'd both wanted a warmer climate, and for the last two weeks she had asked if he wanted them to come back for his graduation, each time he'd given her the same answer.

_"_ _You're quite sure Matt? I want someone to be there for you…"_

"I am sure," he replied with a small sigh.

_"_ _You'll at least send us a photo to put up?"_

"Yeah sure," he nodded, "I'll send you a photo."

* * *

The graduation ceremony took place a week later. Matt was in line behind Darden and one of the last to receive his badge. 17136. He ran his finger over the engraved numbers as he stood by the drinks table that had been set up. He only looked up when a uniformed man approached him, he recognised him immediately as Severide's father. "Matt Casey, top of your class, congratulations," he shook his hand and glanced over to Severide who watched the interaction emotionlessly.

"It's Benny Severide right?" Matt smiled politely.

"You know my son of course," he smiled, "Well, congratulations again," and he walked off, but not back to his son as Matt had expected.

Matt picked up a couple of drinks and made his way over to Severide, "Here."

"Thanks," Severide accepted the glass.

"Your father didn't stay long," he commented.

"Never does," Severide replied after taking a sip of his drink, "Ah… get ready."

"What?" he questioned before following Severide's gaze to find Darden approaching them with what looked like his entire family.

"Kelly!" and Severide was suddenly brought into a large hug by the loud and friendly woman he presumed was Darden's mother, she pulled back and kept her hands on Severide's shoulders, "You're coming to our little lunch aren't you?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," Severide smiled.

"And you must be Matt?" he barely had chance to reply before he himself was enveloped into the woman's hold, he tensed and didn't quite know how to respond when she let him go, "We've heard so much about you!"

"All good I hope?" Matt smiled

"Do you have plans for the rest of the day dear?"

He saw Severide shake his head briefly behind Darden's mother, he paid little attention to Severide and replied honestly, "Not really."

"Well you're very welcome to join us for lunch, in fact I insist on it, bring your family along, the more the merrier for our celebrations!" she announced.

"Oh… they're not here."

"Well then you must come along for our celebratory lunch!"

Matt smiled as he was introduced to the rest of the family that Severide already seemed to know very well.

"And this is Heather, my fiancée," Darden smiled.

"Good to meet you Heather."

* * *

"Congratulations fireman," Louise drolled, she was leaning against the wall by his apartment door smoking.

"Not allowed to smoke out here," he commented wryly, "And that's pot."

"It is," she grinned, "Have a few more rolled and ready to go and I'm willing to share, you know since you're all graduated now, figured we could celebrate."

"Spent the whole afternoon celebrating," he replied.

She looked him up and down, a frown formed across her face, "You're very sober and not at all high."

He smiled, "Can't get high."

"Ah random drug tests… how fun…" she laughed, "We are going out tonight, right?"

"Later," he replied, "Right now you need to get in my apartment so we don't get caught and I don't get kicked out."

"Yeah such a lovely place… wouldn't want to get kicked out…" she looked around at the peeling paint.

"Better than the nothing I'd have if you got me evicted," Matt said knowingly. He walked into the apartment and stated, "There's some drinks in the fridge."

He changed out of his dress uniform then joined her on the sofa. Louise passed him a beer and a joint that he lit. He took a long draw and then inhaled deeply before turning to her, "Kelly and Andy have invited me out tonight, when they can get away from his family that is…"

"You wanna join your new friends?" she giggled, pot always made her very happy and silly at times. It relaxed Matt, which was of course why he liked it, even made him feel sleepy after a while, "You wanna join your new friends but now your gonna smell like weed..."

He laughed, "Said we'd meet them at ten, by Rev's."  
  


* * *

 

Matt woke up suddenly to Louise's panicked, "Shit… Matt wake up!"

"What?"

"We fell asleep, it's almost ten."

It took him a few moments to get his bearings, he was sprawled, half-dressed on the sofa, four dead joints lay in the ash tray on the coffee table. His jeans and boxers were on the floor, his shirt half open, "We didn't… Did we?"

"No," Louise shook her head and went to light another joint.

He stopped her, "We need to go. Actually we need to shower. Get in and I'll join you."

"You're demanding when you're high," she whined.

"I need to call Severide."

"You need a mobile phone. It's 2002 and you still don't have one."

"Priorities."

* * *

"Glad you two could finally make it," Severide announced as Matt and Louise found him in the club. He glanced them up and down, taking in their not-quite-dry-yet hair. "Andy and Heather are getting drinks," he motioned over to them at the bar, "You two look like you've already started though."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Matt grinned. He left Louise alone with Severide when he went up to the bar to greet Andy and Heather and get a couple of drinks.

"We haven't officially met have we?" Severide questioned.

"Oh… we've met," Louise stated.

"Ah… yes... at the bar where Casey works… I don't remember that night."

"Yeah… I'm not surprised."

Later on Matt was chatting with Heather when he looked over to see Louise looking less than impressed as a guy continued his attempts to impress her, but he wasn't worried, she could hold her own, but then he saw her trying to shake off the guys arm unsuccessfully. He excused himself and went over, a smile on his face, daggers in his eyes, "Hey Lou," he kissed her on the lips, "This guy bothering you?"

"Told ya I had a boyfriend," Louise stated.

"You can leave now," Matt said forcefully, "Or am I gonna have to lay your ass out?"

"Matt…" she warned, she knew his temper and knew he wasn't just taunting the guy, he was high and not thinking about the consequences, although when it came to protecting her, or anyone, he rarely thought about the consequences, he just acted, whether there were drugs and alcohol in his system or not.

"All right, all right… I'm gone."

Casey soon found himself stood outside the club with Severide smoking in the when he was questioned, "Does a shitty childhood give you an excuse to do drugs and get high?"

"I'm not…"

"I can smell it," Severide explained.

"I didn't have a shitty childhood," he stated. "We're celebrating aren't we?"

"You got any on you?"

"Not mine," he replied, "Lou's got a couple more joints on her, we can share one if you want?"

"You haven't had enough already?" Severide laughed.

"Could have it all myself," he said grinned before stating, "Once I'm on the job I won't risk it."

"Enjoying it whilst you can."

* * *

The three of them were lucky and received a candidate position to start within the upcoming weeks. Matt was going to Columbus Drive; he'd not expected such a busy house to start off with but coming top of his class had its advantages. Darden was going to House 51 and Severide to House 42 he was pleased, there was a Rescue Squad there. They would all be in the same district so dependent on the shift patterns they were given it was likely they'd come across each other at a variety of scenes.

Matt was stood outside Columbus Drive firehouse, his bag slung over one shoulder, he was early but not too early, he took a calming breath and walked up to the building.

"You always going to be early?" a rough looking African-American questioned him as he entered the building

"Erm…" he faltered, damn, why was he so nervous?

The man laughed and held out a hand, "Hayes, Evan," he introduced himself, "You're the new candidate right?

He nodded and shook the outstretched hand firmly, "Matt Casey."

"Lieutenant's on the school run this morning so he'll not be here until bang on eight, Chief's in his office, go up the stairs, second door on the right, you'll have paperwork to sign and they'll assign you a locker," Hayes informed him.

"Thanks."

* * *

"What have we got?" McCormack said eagerly when Hayes walked into the common room.

"Well he's tall blond and small," he replied.

"Small? What? Compared that belly of his?" McCormack nudged Flanagan.

"I wouldn't be surprised if he slept his way through the academy," Hayes commented.

"What?"

"He's very pretty," he replied.

"Yeah don't tell Conner that," Butler scoffed.

"If he can cook I don't give a damn."

* * *

"Come in," Chief Neal, a tall man with silver hair, stated as Matt appeared in front of the open door, "Casey?"

"Yes sir," he greeted him.

"You can drop the sir," Neal stated.

"Sorry."

Neal looked up from the file on his desk, "You graduated at the top of your class?"

"Yes s… Chief," he quickly corrected himself.

"That's not going to earn you any standing here," Neal commented.

"I wasn't expecting it to," he replied.

"Good," the man nodded, "You'll need to earn respect here and… Ahh Lieutenant come in!"

Matt turned to face a largely built fierce looking man, it didn't look like he'd ever smiled in his whole life.

"Lieutenant Conner," he held out a hand.

"Matt Casey," he shook his hand.

"Please tell me you can cook?" Conner questioned.

"I can follow a recipe," he replied.

"Better than the last one Chief," Conner stated brightly.

"Top of his class," the chief commented.

Conner turned to face him again, "Ah ready to get into action then?"

"More than ready," he replied eagerly.

The lieutenant cracked a smile that Matt didn't think he'd ever see grace his face and stated, "I believe you've got some paperwork to sign then go found someone to give you a tour."

* * *

"Fill in all your details, emergency contact information… which cannot be the person you slept with last night, believe it or not it has happened, you need to notify us of any change of details, any questions?"

"No ma'am," Matt smiled and took the forms from her.

"No ma'am," she repeated before calling out into the open office door, "I like this one."

Matt finished off the paperwork and handed the forms back to her with a smile.

"Ah perfect timing," she smiled, Matt followed her gaze, "Flanagan I believe this young needs a tour of the house."

* * *

"Casey," he greeted the man with dull brown hair.

"Kyle Flanagan," the man replied, "You're our new candidate then? Hope you're better than the last one, I swear the training's not what it used to be."

Matt followed him into the common room, the room was small and dark, there were only a few small windows, there was a large table and a couple of worn sofas, most seats were occupied.

"Your fellow truck crew," Flanagan introduced the few that were sat at the end of the table, "You've met Hayes. This is McCormack, and Butler." Hayes gave a friendly wave and the other two gave a nod in acknowledgement, "This is Casey."

"Hope you can cook," Butler commented, "Fed up of the beans on toast this one keeps forcing on us at breakfast," he gave a nod towards McCormack.

"Yeah well if you want something else you can make it," McCormack replied.

Flanagan smiled, "We all use this common room, you'll be gracing us all with your cooking, Engine and the Scuba team, Chief joins us too."

Matt was shown the rest of the house before Lieutenant Conner appeared and set him with the task of cleaning the showers, which hadn't been cleaned since the last candidate had been there. He stood miserably in front of them before getting to work.

* * *

The alarms went off whilst Casey was putting lunch together, _"_ _Truck 6, Battalion 1, motor vehicle accident…"_  
  
A mixture of nervousness, excitement and adrenaline ran through his veins as he sat in the back of the truck. Hayes drove. Casey glanced around at the rest of the crew; they were all relaxed and didn't seem the least bit nervous as he felt. He felt like he needed to prove himself, show that he was worthy of being part of the crew because right now he felt like an outsider.

"Stick with me and don't do anything stupid," Conner stated as he jumped out of the rig, put on his hat and grabbed a halligan. Casey did the same and followed the lieutenant as he gave his orders.

"Good job kid," Flanagan patted him on the back after they'd tidied away their equipment once the victims had been shipped off in the back of the ambulances.

"I hardly did anything," he was a little dismayed.

"You stayed calm, followed orders and you didn't get in way."


	7. Worst Ways To Go

Casey's first fully involved fire didn't happen until he had been candidate at Columbus Drive for just over two weeks. It was exhilarating yet terrifying at the same time and he experienced an incredible adrenaline rush. The fire had licked at his turnout gear but he didn't hesitate for a second. The heat was all consuming. The fire was destroying everything in its path. The insides of the house were melting. The glass on the photographs at the top of the mantel piece cracked. The wooden beams ignited. Casey could feel the sweat running down his back. His whole body was sore and his lungs ached from the struggle against the fire but it was all worth it when Casey saw the look of the parents faces when he and Flanagan finally emerged from the inferno that their house had become, carrying their small daughter and their dog out alive.

He would always remember Flanagan's words to him. "There's nothing like that feeling!" he grinned at Casey, his teeth white against the black soot that covered his face, "Job well done candidate!" he beamed, slapping Casey on the shoulder by way of congratulating him on his first major rescue.

"Know what caused it?" Casey had asked the older firefighter as they watched Engine 13 get to work with the hoses and ladders to put the fire out.

"You're an eager one!" Flanagan laughed, "We'll most likely find that out during overhaul. We're in for a damn long night."

* * *

A few shifts later, the crews were in the common room finishing up the lunch that their candidate had made. Sighs of contentment had gone around the table as Casey, who had to wait until everyone else had got their food before he could get his own, was still eating.

"Well think that might just the best mac 'n' cheese I have ever eaten candidate," Hayes said, pushing away his empty plate. "Where did ya learn to cook like that, your mother teach you kid?" A ripple of laughter went round the table.

Casey just shook his head, "Just followed the recipe," he replied teasingly.

Casey was just about to eat his final forkful when one of the scuba crew walked in to the common room and sat down on the couch. "Hey Casey!" he called across, "There's someone waiting for ya on the apparatus floor," he spoke with a slight smirk on his face.

Casey put his fork down and stood up. "Thanks..." and he made his way out of the common room and down the stairs onto the apparatus floor where the rigs were parked.

Almost the entire common room of firefighter followed Casey, watching from the walkway at the top of the stairs as their new candidate met his visitor.

"Girlfriend ya reckon?" one voice questioned.

"Hope not," McCormack commented sardonically, "I got twenty bucks lying on the table..."

"Oh yeah…" Hayes sniggered as Casey's visitor kissed their candidate, "Well I'll take your twenty..." he turned to Butler, "And your fifteen... thanks very much guys…"

"Hey hang on a minute, could be his sister. They're both blond..."

A few sniggers went round the crowd.

"They're both blond," Hayes mocked in a whiny voice. "Let's see your money" he held out a hand which was immediately filled with bills from the losers of the bet.

"Damn I was sure he was swinging for the other side," Hayes lamented as he dug out a twenty from his pocket.

A stern voice interrupted their raucous laughter, "You were sure who was swinging for the other side?" it was their lieutenant.

"No-one Lieutenant," McCormack replied, still watching Casey and the blonde, feeling fed up that his pocket was now twenty dollars lighter.

"Good, we don't need that sort of thing around here," Conner commented dourly over his shoulder as he walked off.

* * *

Casey was smiling as he saw Louise turn around when she heard him walking down the stairs and coming towards her. He greeted her with a warm hug and she kissed him lightly on the cheek.

"They're all staring at me Candidate," she grinned cheekily as she glanced upwards at the crowd of firefighters.

"Well those shorts of yours don't leave much to their imaginations," Casey smirked back at her, "What's up? You okay?"

"I can't come by and see your big red truck?" she laughed.

"It's not my big red truck," Casey replied simply.

"So can I get a tour then mister fireman?"

"Why aren't you at work?" Casey asked her, curious.

"No, only one," he smiled.

"Well if you must know I had a job interview," Louise answered.

"You don't look like you're dressed for an interview…

"Oh don't I detective?" she teased, "New bar opening near Bucktown, more hours, more money…"

"Thought that was gonna be a strip club?" he frowned, "Heard some of the guys talking about it a few days ago," he went on.

"And you're against strip clubs then candidate?" she teased.

"No I guess not, but l don't want... doesn't matter…" Casey shrugged and shook his head.

"You going all protective on me?" she smiled.

He laughed at himself, "Sorry. Did you get it? Or when do you find…"

"I got it," she was smiling back at him now.

"Yeah, of course you did…"

"'Cause I look like a stripper? Huh?" she just grinned.

"Because you're beautiful…"

"You trying to get into bed with me Matt Casey?" she teased.

"Uh huh... always," he laughed.

"Ok well on that note I gotta get going..."

"You don't want that tour then?"

"Got lots to do. I'll take a rain check."

* * *

Casey would never forget the first burn victim that he carried from a burning building. A warehouse had gone up and they hadn't had a lot of time for search and rescue because of the nature of the fire. There were unpredictable explosions due to incorrect storage of massive quantities of propane gas tanks. They managed to pull out two men. Both were suffering from severe burns.

Casey and Conner got their victim onto a gurney by the waiting ambulance so the paramedics could take over. Most of the man's flesh was melted and peeling off making Casey fear he was going to throw up inside his SCBA mask. He pulled it off and immediately the gut wrenching smell of burned skin and charred flesh hit him, making him turn away. Casey had always liked to remain close to the ambo to see how victims were faring but this time he couldn't bear it. He dashed behind the rig to throw up. Then seeing his own gloves covered in scraps of seared flesh he threw up a second time.

He'd taken his helmet off and stood still for a few minutes until he felt a little better before he realised Flanagan was in front of him holding a bottle of water. He was looking nonchalantly at Casey's gloves. "Human flesh just falls off when it's burnt," the seasoned firefighter commented grimly.

Casey yanked off his gloves and chucked them down onto the ground, taking the bottle of water that Flanagan was offering to him. "Thanks," he took a long swig and swilled his mouth out, trying to rid himself of the disgusting taste of vomit. "Think he'll make it?" he questioned, tipping some of the cooling liquid over his head.

"Probably not," Flanagan replied honestly, "When the burns are that extensive and deep there's not much anyone can do."

"That's gotta be one of the worst ways to go…" Casey observed quietly, his eyes showing a certain sadness.

"Yeah," Flanagan nodded, "But that's why we go in and get them out."

"We got him out though…"

"We can't save everyone but we'll try. You never know, he may just pull through," but Casey saw the look of doubt in Flanagan's eyes.

"Do you ever get used to it?"

"Nah kid... think if you get used to it then it's time to quit the job," Flanagan commented as he lit a cigarette and watched the engine crew shower the building in water.

* * *

A few weeks later Casey was in the shower room cleaning the shower stalls when Flanagan walked in, nodding at the candidate. He almost left Casey undisturbed but he stopped right by him, peering into the shower cubicle where Casey was working.

Casey looked up and smiled. "Everything all right?" he asked the older man. He had noticed Flanagan's back step and wondered if he had come to check his work, "Come to inspect my cleaning skills?"

Flanagan looked thoughtful. "I'll leave that to Conner. Listen, you free tomorrow morning?" he asked Casey, "Want some extra cash?"

"Extra cash?" Casey quizzed, looking at Flanagan but continuing to clean the tiles.

"One of the guys that usually helps me is pulling some extra shifts," Flanagan explained.

"Helps you with what?" he asked.

"I do bit of construction work on the side," Flanagan replied.

Casey shrugged, "I don't know anything about construction."

"Just need a second pair of hands, you can take home a third of the money?"

Casey grinned, "Well I can't say no to that."

* * *

A few days after Casey's first construction gig with Flanagan Truck 6 was called out to a fire at a hotel. When the rig pulled up at the scene, the fire was already fully involved and several other truck and engine crews had already arrived along with a rescue squad and four ambulances.

Casey jumped out of the back of their rig and Conner spoke to him, "Ok candidate, you won't be shadowing anyone today. We don't have time for that. I've got every confidence in you Casey..." Conner went on to bark out his orders to the Truck crew and they all got to work. Casey was thrilled at his Lieutenant's decision and trust, and his heart pounded as he stared up at the huge burning building.

Fire was gushing out of windows on every floor now and he could hear screams coming from other windows where people were trying to escape. A certain determination filled him along with excitement and even fear. But they couldn't save everyone. He already knew that. But knowing that wasn't going to deter Casey or stop him from giving every ounce of strength and willpower he possessed to try and save as many victims as he humanly could.

It wasn't Casey's first death and it wouldn't be his last but it stuck with him more than most. He had to make a decision. The child or the father. He radioed for help to get the father out and snatched the child up and carried her out of the inferno, safely wrapped inside his turnout coat. But he was on the tenth floor and Casey knew they most likely wouldn't be able to get him out in time. And he was right. The father didn't have a chance. Casey found his charred remains during the long and very tough overhaul. Found? No, he had deliberately searched for them, desperately hoping by some miracle that he wouldn't find him but he they were in the exact location where he had been forced to leave the man. That would stay with Casey for the rest of his life.

* * *

"Hey Lou…" Casey was leaning against the doorframe when she opened the door. It had been a few days since the hotel fire, he'd just finished a shift working at the bar, he missed their shifts together. Now he was working out the firehouse and doing a little construction with Flanagan he'd dropped one of his jobs but still kept working at the bar. It was easy work and he was trying to gather some savings.

"Matt," she smiled, somewhat taken aback by his presence outside her apartment, "It's almost midnight… and you look like shit..."

"Thanks," Matt retorted somewhat sarcastically, "Love you too..." Then he laughed, "You gonna let me in?"

"Yeah, yeah… of course sweetie," she stepped back and he walked into the small apartment, "How'd you know I was in?"

"I didn't… was just hoping," he half laughed, "Not heard from you for a couple of weeks," he shrugged.

"Yeah this new job is killing me," she joked, "And you still don't have cell phone?"

"I'll get one next month, promise," he grinned at her.

"Well you're gonna have to."

"Oh yeah?" he questioned as he sat down on the couch.

"I'm moving," she spoke casually, grabbing a couple of cans from the refrigerator.

Matt didn't hide his surprise, "What? Why?"

"This job," she nodded and came to sit by him on the couch, "Opportunity's come up in another one of their clubs. And Max, the guy I started seeing last month, well he wants to move with me. We'll be sharing a place. Getting it all organised over the next few days. They want me to start as soon as possible, its promotion for me as well…"

"Oh… well if it's what you want…"

"Aren't you gonna ask me where I'm going?" she grinned.

"Where are you going Lou?" he said flatly.

"New York, the club's right in Midtown Manhattan. I can't wait to get there."

"Thought you loved it here in Chicago… you grew up here…"

"Well I do but there's nothing to hold me here really is there?"

"Suppose not..." Casey's voice was a little sad. He'd miss her. A lot. But she had to do whatever was right for her, "Well as long as it makes you happy… I'm happy for you. And Max. He's a lucky guy."

"Yeah, it'll be good. Fresh start, new city and all that," she passed him one of the cans of beer, "So anyway, why did you really come here?"

"Can't just drop by?" Casey shrugged.

"Matt, it's midnight... and you really do look like shit you know..."

Casey scoffed, dropping eye contact with her and staring at the can in his hands, "Probably because I'm not really sleeping."

"That's why you're here, you need something to make you relax? Well I don't have much. Max doesn't like me having the stuff... I can help you relax though, if that's what you need?" she looked into his face and saw the stress and anxiety his eyes held.

He just shook his head a little, "Shouldn't... really l just needed to see you..."

He watched her as she stood up and disappeared for a moment or two. She came back and sat close to him on the couch, slipping something into his shirt pocket, "Have them... you look like you need it. Like I said, Max doesn't like me using them anyway. Call it my leaving present..."

"Getting high on my own in my apartment sounds like a bad idea..." he commented dryly.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" she asked, her voice soft and kind.

"Doesn't matter."

"You closing up on me like a clam now I've told you I'm moving… you used to talk me…" she sighed, knowing only too well the working of his mind. She reached up a hand and placed it on his chest. moving it in small circles as it offer him some comfort. "You'll make sure you message me all the time when you move into the 21st century and get a cell phone won't you? You got my number..."

"I do have a phone," he pointed out with a half-smile.

"'Cept that you're hardly ever home," she shook her head.

"That's true," he laughed, "I am still slaving away at that bar… and literally a slave for the twenty-four hours I'm under Lieutenant Conner's command… he's nearly as bad as you were at the bar," he teased.

"I miss our shifts there. We had some fun didn't we?" she smiled at him as she recalled some of their 'fun'. "Speaking of which, how about one last bit of fun for old times' sake? I _know_ that will help you sleep, you can crash here if you want to..."

Louise lowered her hand from his chest down to the waist of his jeans and slipped it inside down to his crotch. He bit his lip, uncomfortable at the thought of having sex with someone else's girlfriend. When they had been friends with benefits she hadn't ever been seeing anyone steady so he'd never thought about it before.

"Lou…" he began, somewhat edgy now, even though there was nothing he would have liked better, "Maybe Max wouldn't like this... I wouldn't if I were him..."

"We're not married or anything Matt... you and I used to do this all the time..." she smiled, her hand massaging him gently.

"Don't..." Matt put down his half-finished can of beer on the coffee table, took hold of her hand gently and pulled it out of his jeans. "Sorry…" he stood up and she mirrored him. She was a tall girl and looked him directly in the eye as she stood in front of him.

"Matt, don't... I'll miss us, I will…" she began, setting a hand against his chest again.

This time he pushed it away firmly. "I gotta go… thanks for... you know…" he looked down at his shirt pocket.

"No sweat. See ya around then fireman," she smiled and touched a chaste kiss to his cheek.

* * *

Casey was sat in his small apartment, alone, and with the clear packet in front of him on the coffee table by the couch. Two rolls of marijuana. Louise had been right. He really did look awful and he desperately needed to get some quality sleep. But he feared closing his eyes. Fear seeing charred flesh. He rubbed his hands over his face, eyeing the telephone on the wall. He contemplated calling Severide for just a moment. But he had spoken very little to him since they had celebrated their graduation. And anyway he wasn't entirely sure they were friends. Maybe more like acquaintances. And he was sure Andy would be with Heather right now. And it was now nearly 3am. He couldn't call anyone at this house. So he shook away the idea of calling anyone and grabbed his lighter instead. Taking a long drag on the lit joint, he soon felt his body relax and he sank back on the couch. It certainly wasn't the healthy option but since when had he chosen that?

* * *

As the weeks flew by and turned into months Casey became less and less the subject of betting pools so he figured that was progress. Much of his time was spent doing cleaning and chores, cooking and doing drills. He took advantage of what free time he did have and used all the gym equipment at the firehouse so he was fitter than ever and running faster than he ever had before. Since Louise had left for New York his social and personal life had slowed down a lot but he was so busy that he didn't notice the change in life/work balance that much. He continued to help Flanagan out with his construction business, Casey was a quick learner and picked things up thoroughly. He and Flanagan got to know each other a little better. Casey discovered that Flanagan was married to a high school teacher but they had no children as yet. Flanagan himself wasn't sure that he wanted any because he didn't want to mess them up, or let them be messed up by the world

Casey had laughed a little at that comment, "Trust me, there are way worse parents than you and your wife would be... you'd make great parents."

"Your parents mess you up?" Flanagan questioned him as he drove Casey home in his truck after they had spent the day fitting windows. Casey made no real response. "Ah, silence… that says a lot," Flanagan went on.

He peered at Casey to check out his reaction. But the young man just stared straight in front of himself, shaking his head, "Do I seem messed up to you?"

"You skirt around the subject of family very well," Flanagan observed.

"Not an interesting topic," he shrugged. The tone of Casey's voice indicated to the older man that he shouldn't pursue the matter. If Casey wanted to ever talk to him about his family no doubt he would.

"Ok kid, no more to be said then," Flanagan spoke softly as if there were now some sort of silent understanding between the two of them about the matter. When they pulled up outside the apartment building, it wasn't a great neighbourhood and he almost wanted to invite Casey round for dinner one night as he watched him unfastened his seatbelt, "Thanks for today Matt, you've done a great job helping me out. I'll let you know when then next job comes up shall I?"

Casey nodded, eager to continue learning the construction trade from a new, well, friend he supposed. Flanagan passed him half the money they had made that day. "You sure?" he questioned.

"Quite sure, you've done a great job for me."

Casey grinned at the man, delighted with the earnings. He pushed open the door and turned to get out.

"Listen, Matt. Me and some of the guys are going out tonight so you'd be welcome to come. Bring your girl if you want..." Flanagan invited.

"Love to, thanks, but I can't, I'm working."

"You've been working all day," Flanagan smiled at the young man's energy and hard work ethics.

"Got a shift at the bar," Casey told him as he got out of the truck, leaning back in.

"All right kid. Well see you Thursday at the house then…" he tipped his cap at Casey, who slammed the truck door and grinned as he watched Flanagan pull away.


	8. Alive

It was October 22nd 2002. It was a grey, overcast day with a storm threatening to hit Chicago any time. Matt was crouched in front of a headstone in the cemetery, pulling up weeds and grass from around the memorial. "Hey dad," he cleared away the old Blackhawk memorabilia and replaced it, "I always looked forward to going to the game with you, we only ever ended up going once, mom said you'd just let me down again but you turned up, with a jersey and I had the best day of my life, didn't want it to end…" Matt smiled just a little sadly as memories of his childhood came back to him.

Suddenly he heard a voice from behind him. It was a woman's voice and someone who clearly knew who he was since she questioned his name, "Matt?"

He shot up from his position by the grave and turned to see who the voice belonged to. His eyes widened with surprise as he saw it was his sister who he hadn't seen or had any contact with for at nearly five years. He hardly recognised her. She had changed a lot from what he remembered of her.

"Hey…" he began, "What are you doing here?" Inwardly he cursed himself, the answer was obvious, it was the anniversary of their father's death.

"I come here every year," she replied simply.

He frowned, "I didn't know."

"I didn't tell you… I mean we haven't spoken for..."

"Five years," Casey finished for her.

"That long…" she gave a small shrug. Neither of them had been expecting to see the other and there was an awkward silence 'Well it just feels right to come and see Dad', she said after a few moments.

"Are you living here?" he wondered.

"No. It just feels right to come and see him."

"Have you been to see mom?" Matt asked her. As far as he was aware his sister had never visited their mother.

She shook her head, "No."

"Oh, well how are you anyway?" he asked, trying to make small talk, "If you have the time we can go together to see her..."

"I'm good, you?" she began, cutting Matt off before he could say anything more on that subject, "What are you up? Did you ever go to college?"

"Yeah," he nodded, "I'm a firefighter now, well I'm still training but I'm on the job."

She smiled, "You look so different to that skinny kid I remember. You look so... fit and strong. Wow…"

"Wow?" he repeated. a small smile playing on his lips, "I've not changed that much…"

"It's just impressive. Really, you're a first responder, that's good…"

Matt just smiled at her, clearly embarrassed at the encounter neither of them had even imagined. He really thought he should say more, maybe even apologise for the last few years because they'd not seen each other, not even spoken, but he really didn't know what he should be saying, he didn't know what was right so he let her continue to lead the conversation.

"Dad would be proud," Christie commented as she looked down at the gravestone.

"Mom is," he nodded and he didn't miss the wince across his sisters face as he mentioned her again, "Well she says she is every time I see which probably isn't as often as I should."

"As you should?" she frowned, "We shouldn't see her at all not after…"

"She's our mom."

"I'll never forgive her Matt," she replied flatly.

"I've not forgiven her…" he sighed, "Let's not talk about it… not here anyway… Do you want to grab some lunch?" his voice was hopeful, but she just shook her head.

"Jim's waiting," she motioned over to the car.

"Nice car…" he commented.

"Yeah, he has good job, I'm lucky."

"Well maybe another time then?" he asked, but she ignored his question and continued on.

"You're going to be an uncle," she announced quickly.

"Really?"

"I'm expecting' she smiled, "Thought I'd let dad know… and since you're here…"

"That's wonderful news and lm happy for you. Congratulations to both of you," Matt stepped up and hugged her briefly before stepping back a little. "Listen I'll give you my cell phone number..." he pulled a pen and a scrap of paper from his pocket and wrote his number on it, handing it to her.

"Well I have to go... Jim's not the mist patient person in the world..." she smiled again, "Well good to see you again Matt…"

"Yeah, you too, keep in touch.

She just looked down at the scrap of paper he had given her but made no reply. She just turned and walked back to the car, getting in without looking back.  
  


* * *

 

The Christmas holiday period was soon upon them and Casey found himself sitting in the middle of the common room trying to get a string of fairy lights untangled. Hayes was laughing heartily at his struggles as he tried to get knots out of the wires and untangle the strings from each other. "Don't know how they get into such a mess…" Casey muttered, "They've just been sitting in a box… how the hell are they knotted..."

Hayes was still laughing at him.

"Wanna do it yourself?" Casey quipped just a Butler walked into the room and placed a book in front of him on the table.

"For you candidate," Butler stated to Casey.

"For me? What is it?" Casey hadn't even taken a glance at the book, too busy trying to sort the lights out.

"You better get practising for Christmas," Butler commented, grinning with mock sadism.

"Huh?" Casey questioned, his face scowling.

"We're on shift on Christmas Day."

"You want me to make Christmas dinner? On my own?" Casey asked, not at all pleased with the idea.

Conner looked up from his newspaper and said nonchalantly, "Well you are the candidate and we are all expecting roast beef with all the veg and all the extras. And pecan pie for dessert. Then there's the egg nog to make..." he was clearly attempting to wind Casey up.

"Well you'll be lucky cos I've never cooked roast beef for anyone before… let alone a firehouse full. And as for pecan pie... no clue," Casey almost burst into laughter at the thought of himself having to do the whole Christmas lunch.

"We could always order in?" Hayes suggested.

"Yeah," Casey nodded hopefully, "Let's order in."

"And where exactly order in from on Christmas Day?"

"Damnit..." Casey muttered, half at the mess of lights in front of him and half at the fact that he wasn't going to be able to get out of having to cook dinner for the whole firehouse on the 25th. He stared down at the cooking book that Butler had brought to him and sighed, "All right but y'all better not be expecting much then..."

His mutterings were interrupted by the very loud alarm and dispatch instructions over the tannoy, _"_ _Truck 6, Engine 13, Battalion 1, warehouse fire..."_ Everyone instantly dropped what they were doing and raced down to the apparatus floor.  
  


* * *

 

The scene outside the warehouse was full of activity. There were numerous truck and engine crews there, a squad crew and at least half a dozen ambulances. As they'd turned up at the scene Lieutenant Conner peered into the back of the truck where his team were donning their protective helmets. "Casey!" he called, "You're gonna have to step up today. Haven't the manpower for you to be shadowing."

"Copy that Lieutenant," Casey's voice came from the back. Conner just nodded, quite at ease with his decision about the young candidate. He had no doubts at all about Casey's innate ability as a firefighter and he had proved his worth time and time again over the last few months. He was more than capable of being a fully qualified member of the truck team once he had completed his candidacy.

"You got it kid," Flanagan said, giving Casey a curt nod as they jumped out of the rig. Casey just grinned back at him as thanks for the reassurance he offered.

They had been fighting the warehouse fire for over an hour by the time Casey found himself on one of the upper floors in the office area doing search and rescue. They had got several workers out of the inferno so far but more were still trapped according to the owner. Casey was determined to save each and every one of the people in the warehouse if he could and was making his way across the flame filled room when he heard a load groan and a crack.

Casey could feel himself falling downwards, accompanied by burning debris. He tried to reach and grab something. He clung onto the edge of the flooring but it was no good, it broke free and he was falling again. His breath flew out of him with a loud groan as he hit the ground on the floor below. He'd landed on his front. The roar of the fire was even louder now and just about deafened him. He lay still for a few seconds before he regained his breath and all of his senses. He scrambled up to his feet, picking up his helmet which had flown of with the impact of his fall. He shoved it quickly back onto his head. He could hear a PASS alarm was screaming out above the noise of the fire but he couldn't get his bearings in the thick smoke and it took him a few seconds to work out where source of the noise lay. Casey's legs almost gave way as he started to make his way over to the fallen firefighter. In a flash, he had found the man. He quickly used his own arms to put out the flames that were eroding the man's turnout gear. He read the name on the back of the jacket. It was Captain Adcock from Squad 2.

Casey hunkered down by the Captain's side, having got the flames out, and removed his own turnout gloves so he could check the fallen firefighter's pulse. It was weak and thready but most certainly a pulse. "Captain can you hear me? Captain?" Casey tried to raise his voice above to the roar of the flames.

The man remained unresponsive.

He grabbed his radio as he looked around the smoke filled area they were in. "This is Casey…" he almost had to shout above the noise now, "Got a firefighter down. It's Captain Adcock, he's not in good shape. I was in the back first floor east storage room when I went through the floor. The exit's blocked off."

"Copy that Casey. We'll get you both... hang in there."

Casey tried to rouse the Captain once again but found the man was barely breathing, he couldn't just sit here and do nothing. His eyes scanned around for the halligan he had been carrying when he went through the floor, finally spotting it on top of a pile of debris. He scrambled over to it and picked it up, racing past heaps of rubble and pockets of flame. Running on adrenaline now he began to try and move the mess of misshapen rebar, metal support beams and concrete that was blocking their way out.

Despite Casey's efforts the wreckage of the building was way too much for one person to pull back or even make an impression on. Finally, feeling his muscles beginning to rebel, he admitted defeat, knowing he was expending all his energy on a useless task. "Damnit…" he muttered under his breath, determined he was going to get the Captain out of this as well as himself.

He strode back over to where Adcock lay, an idea formulating in his head when he spotted an axe laid nearby. He assumed it was the one the Captain must have been using and he snatched it up with his left hand, while grabbing his radio with his right. Before Casey could press the button to speak the hiss of static came over the air, "Casey, you copy?"

He recognised the voice as that of his Lieutenant and he responded immediately, "Copy…"

"We can't get to your location, building's collapsed and the fire's blocking you off. Can you find any other way out?"

Casey shook his head, his heart pounding in his chest now, "Negative Lieutenant. No way out. I've tried to shift some of the collapse but can't get anything moved at all. Got an idea though...gonna try and go through the outer wall... the Captain's barely breathing…"

"The place is unstable now, could collapse at any moment, if you…" Conner began to protest against Casey's proposal.

But the candidate dismissed his senior's disagreement, knowing he had no choice, "Doesn't matter about me… there's no other way, you said it yourself. It's this or nothing."

Casey made his way over to the outside wall, gripped the axe and lifted it, whacking it into the concrete with as much force as he could muster. Only small chips of plaster flew off with the first blow. Casey kept going, running on pure adrenaline now. Again and again he whacked the axe into the concrete but the sturdy construction of the outer walls was making it almost impossible for him to gain headway. Reinforced concrete was a bitch. He just kept going and kept going, until he was exhausted and barely able to lift the axe one more time.

He had no idea how long he had been trying to make an escape hole for them but after some time, he could hear noises that were definitely not the fire and seemed to be coming from the other side of the wall where Casey was stood. He tried to listen but couldn't make out quite what was happening so he just lifted the axe again and started to hack at the wall once more, pushing through the pain and exhaustion he felt. Several minutes later he began to feel the wall giving beneath the axe blows. He stopped, checking to see if he could spot any signs of collapse, finding nothing he kept going.

He kept going until his arms would scarcely lift the axe and he was shaking with exhaustion, his muscles rebelling again the misuse. Sweat poured down his face, and his lungs were burning with the sheer effort. For a few moments he broke off to check his oxygen tank level. He was going run out soon. He moved back over the captain. The man was still breathing and still had a pulse. So Casey picked the axe back up and started again. He was unaware how long he had been going at te wall when he heard noises he could swear were coming from the outside. He smiled. Maybe they did have a chance. It sounded like they were trying to get through the wall from the outside. He pulled in a long breath and renewed his efforts, straining with every sinew and muscle in his body to get the concrete wall to yield.

The flames within the room had worsened considerably. Casey went back over to where the captain lay and pulled him over to where he was working on the wall. More burning debris was showering down around them now and there was nowhere to shelter from it. He had no choice but to keep going. His hands were almost numb from holding the axe but he pushed through the pain in his arms and the stress and just kept on whacking the axe at the unyielding wall.

He was almost at the point of throwing up and being unable to stand when all of a sudden concrete debris flew inwards. He could see the reflective strip of a turnout coat through a small hole, the gap quickly grew larger and he could see daylight. Casey stepped back from the wall to let the rescue team open it up. He dropped the axe to one side as he went to crouch down by the captain, his hands and arms shaking from the efforts with the axe. After only a few moments there was a gap in the wall large enough for a man to climb through. "Hey Casey, you come out first, then we can get to the Cap!" a voice told him.

He wasn't sure who it was but he shouted back, "I'm ok! Get the stretcher in..." The stretch was pushed through the gap and another firefighter clambered in after it to help Casey. Between them, they lifted Adcock onto it and pushed him back through the hole to the waiting paramedics. Casey followed and scrambled out into the fresh air, he pulled of his mask and let out a long breath before taking in the outside air, coughing a little as he did. He turned watched as the final firefighter climbed through the hole just to make sure he was safely out of the building, before head towards the paramedics who had Adcock on a gurney and he hurried alongside them as they wheeled him to the ambulance.

"He still breathing?" Casey asked wide eyed with worry as they went along, "Will he make it?"

"He's alive..." one of the paramedics told him as they approached the ambulance. Casey nodded and fell back from them.

The whole situation was dawning on Casey now that his adrenaline level was dissipating. They could both have died in the burning warehouse. But neither of them had. They had both got out. He had got the captain out alive. He would never have been able to forgive himself if he hadn't been able to save Adcock. Casey knew just from the few times he'd met up with his fellow firefighters off shift that he was a devoted father and husband and he couldn't have lived with the guilt if that family had lost him because he hadn't been strong enough or brave enough to save the man.

Casey had walked over to where Truck 6 was standing and took a moment to recover himself, leaning on the front of the rig and closing his eyes for a while. Suddenly he realised someone was standing in front of him and his eyes opened. It was his own Lieutenant. The man took hold of Casey's arms.

"Casey?" Conner was saying to his young firefighter, "Casey? You ok?"

The truck lieutenant was peering into his candidate's filthy soot and dirt caked face, as if he had been waiting some time for a response. "Sure... yeah Lieutenant... I'm fine... I'm ok..."

Casey was still protesting vaguely as Conner spoke again, "Yeah, yeah, sure you are. Come on, let's see what the EMT's say…" He released his grip on Casey's left arm and led him over to a nearby ambulance, he sat him on the back ledge so the paramedics could check him out and left him to see to his other men.

Casey was coughing a bit whilst one of the paramedics checked him over, but luckily the worst injuries were to his hands where he had a few blisters from his efforts to make a hole in the warehouse wall. He was sure he'd be bruised all over and aching badly within a few hours after the fall and all the strain his body had been through.

A few minutes later, Conner returned to check on his candidate. "How you doing Casey?" he asked in his customary gruff tone. But he wasn't an uncaring man and was concerned for the welfare of his team at all times.

"How's the captain?" Casey asked wearily.

"On his way to the hospital. He's hanging in there. You did good Casey. Real good."


	9. Remember That

Christmas Day came but sadly it was not a day of cheer or festivities at the Columbus Drive firehouse. It was Casey's first shift back after the massive warehouse blaze and everyone in the firehouse was subdued. Casey's team were sitting in the common room when someone asked, "What's the latest update on Adcock?"

At that the young candidate looked up from the bowl of cereal he was stirring aimlessly. He didn't know why he had even got it from the cupboard because he didn't feel at all like eating anything.

"Critical condition still," Butler supplied. He and Adcock had come up through the fire academy together and had maintained their friendship to this day. Their wives were friends and their kids were friends.

"How are his wife and kids holding up?" Hayes asked.

"They're not, not really. We've been watching over the two boys after they finish school. She doesn't want them to see him in the hospital. They're with their grandparents today, they're gonna try and give them a normal Christmas…"

Conner just nodded, "Understandable. You'll let us know if there's anything more we can do then?" he said. The truck lieutenant had already sent a boot around the whole firehouse collecting donations to help the captain and his family through this really difficult time in their lives. Casey had felt so downhearted about Adcock's injuries and he had contributed some of his construction earnings to the fund to try and make up for what had happened. He felt it was certainly his fault for just not being good enough at the end of the day, not fast enough, not strong enough.

"Of course, thanks," Butler responded.

There was an awkward silence after that until someone piped up, "So Casey what are your plans for the holidays then? How's that girlfriend of yours huh?" A small snicker had gone round.

"She's not my girlfriend," Casey retorted and everyone seemed to sigh in relief at the change of subject. It was always difficult when any firefighter went down with injuries on a call, but they all knew and accepted the risks of their job.

"Ah that's good then," Hayes commented, "Saw that red head give you her number..."

"That's good?" Casey repeated, "She was never my girlfriend to cheat on..."

"She must have left him..." someone said.

"But she wasn't my..." Casey started to protest.

"Red head? The EMT from Ambo 57?" McCormack chimed in, "The one who checked you over... God you're good..."

Casey just looked away from their prying stares but Hayes didn't miss a trick. "You slept with her didn't you?" he quizzed.

"We just had a few drinks and I took her home," Casey stated quite simply.

"Took her home and then slept with her," McCormack nodded in satisfaction that he had guessed correctly about Casey's sexual escapade, "I mean, don't blame ya… she is stunning."

"Believe whatever you want," Casey gave a small shrug.

Suddenly the klaxons shut down any further conversation or speculation about whether Casey had or had not slept with the red headed paramedic, _"_ _Truck 6, pin-in MVA at West…"_  
  


* * *

A couple of days passed after Christmas where surprisingly, although they didn't end up eating until after 8pm, Casey's dinner had been a success. He was off shift and found himself walking up the nurse's station in the burns ward at Lakeshore Hospital. He wanted to find out for himself how the firefighter was doing. Maybe he could dispel some of the various rumours and reports he had heard around the firehouse, perhaps he was doing better than everyone suggested. "Hi. I'm looking for James Adcock's room, I'm..."

"A firefighter?" the nurse smiled, continuing at his puzzled expression, "He's had a lot of visits from Fire personnel," she explained, "He's in room 12B..."

"Thanks," Matt smiled. He didn't particularly like hospitals, for no real reason, and he was nervous about this visit to begin with. He followed the small corridor of rooms and found 12B at the end but he waited outside the glass door. He was even questioning why he was even there. He didn't really know the Captain but something was just telling him he should visit, to make sure he was going to be ok. However, from what Matt could see, things weren't really looking too good. Adcock was just about completely covered in white bandages and surrounded by medical equipment. Matt hadn't been into a burns unit before and after seeing into various rooms on his way past and then looking over at the Captain he wasn't sure he'd ever wish to visit one again in the future. It had really put into perspective just how dangerous his chosen profession could be.

Matt was still lost in his thoughts when someone spoke, "You can go in and see him if you want to."

He turned to see a nurse standing behind him. "Oh... erm... I don't know him really…" he began, feeling awkward to have been spotted and approached by the nurse and now feeling obliged to go in, when he had more or less just taken the decision not to, "I mean… I'm not just stalking random patients... I'm a..."

"Matt Casey?" another female voice came from his left.

"Erm yeah…" he nodded as he turned to face her.

"I thought it might be you," the woman replied, a small smile gracing her weary features, "James' crew said you broke through the warehouse wall so he could be rescued." Before Matt could say anything she pulled him into a hug, "Thank you."

"Just my job," Matt told her sincerely when she pulled back. He hated attention, hated that she thought he had done something special. All he had done was get them out. And that was his job. He had done nothing more than what was expected of him. He was nothing special. "How is he doing?" he questioned. The nurse had slipped into the captain's room and was checking over his vitals and lines. He watched as she did so.

"He's... hanging in there. He's having surgery this afternoon which they're hopeful will help him," she explained.

"Surgery?" Matt questioned, wondering why it was needed. He had just thought the Captain had a few burns, not that he'd been injured in the fall or in some other way.

"They're taking his hands," she told him calmly although Matt could see she was on the brink of tears.

"I'm sorry…" he knew it was no consolation to her but he was unsure what else he could say. No words would really help her right now. And it was a big shock to him as well.

"Don't be sorry Matt… do you mind if l call you that?" she went on.

Matt shook his head, "Not at all..."

"Well no need to be sorry. Everyone knows that you did everything humanly possible to get James out safely. The doctors think the surgery will give him a much better chance of survival…"

The nurse stepped out of the room and spoke to Adcock's wife, "Sarah, he's awake now," she smiled.

Sarah nodded and spoke to Matt, "Thanks Matt, thanks for what you did. You could both have been killed. Thanks to you the boys still have their Dad. It's good you were with him. Thanks for coming," she squeezed Matt's arm gratefully and went inside the room.

As the door slid closed, Casey spoke to the nurse, "What are his chances?" he asked her thoughtfully, watching Sarah Adcock walk to her husband and kiss his face on what seemed like one of the only un-bandaged areas of his body, "I thought I got him out in time... thought he was going to be fine..."

"He has a long road ahead of him but at the moment he's still really critical," she tried to reassure him despite the pessimistic answer, "I'm sure you couldn't have done anything more than you did."  
  


* * *

 

Two weeks after the huge warehouse blaze, Captain James Adcock died at Lakeshore Hospital. He had never regained consciousness after the major surgery to remove his hands. When the news broke, Casey was on shift as Chief Neal had come into the common room to break the distressing news. Lieutenant Conner had asked to speak to Casey alone once the Chief had gone. Although quite a gruff character, Conner knew his men all gave 110% to the job and cared that they were physically and mentally okay. Casey had nodded and followed his Lieutenant down onto the apparatus floor.

"We save a lot more lives than we lose," Conner stated simply, he was a man of few words, Casey had learned that quickly, "Remember that."  
  


* * *

 

The weeks following weeks flew by. Matt kept up his hard work and even took some additional classes at the Fire Academy recommended to him by his lieutenant. He was surprised to be sat next to Kelly Severide at one of them, although really he shouldn't have been surprised, he knew the man wanted a position on a rescue squad. Since neither of them was on shift the next day they had decided to have a night out afterwards to catch up one what the other had been up to recently. They enjoyed themselves and had a good night but neither could remember much about what had happened, when they woke the next morning it dawned on them they weren't in their own homes. They discovered they had followed a couple of girls home and flaked out on their convertible couch.

Over winter time the construction jobs with Flanagan had slowed but they still had jobs completing house interiors and one day they were heading out of the scrapyard towards home after a long day spent doing tiling work, when Casey had spotted something by the exit almost covered by the snow.

"Could you pull over for a sec?' Casey asked the other man.

"Yeah, sure... you ok?" Flanagan answered, braking and stopping the truck by the scrapyard fencing.

Casey was peering out of the window, "That scrap?" Casey questioned, nodding towards the item he had spotted.

"Is what scrap?"

"That sewing machine," Casey replied.

"I'd say so... why?"

"Think I'll take that home…" Casey opened the door and jumped out into the freezing air, his breath making clouds in the air. He bent down and picked the item up, chucking it into the back of the truck and getting back inside, rubbing his hands for warmth.

"What do ya want with a busted sewing machine?"

"If I can fix it could be useful."

"What? You're taking up sewing now?" Flanagan laughed at him, "You wait until the guys hear this..."

"I'm not taking up sewing," Casey smiled with an easy humour, "But thread is cheaper than clothes..."

Flanagan just shook his head at Casey, "You've got two jobs, three even, you can't tell me you haven't enough money to buy clothes…"

"Yeah, but no point in throwing stuff away if it can be mended is there?"

Flanagan had grinned at the young man, realising little a bit more about him. Obviously the kid had grown up in a poor household or parents had been to0 tight to buy him anything new.  
  


* * *

 

"He drags us out of bed at the crack of dawn but is there any sign of him? Nowhere to be seen. Where the hell is he?" Severide grumbled, peering around the small diner, his dark brows knitted into a scowl.

"Just after 9:30," Matt pointed out, "Hardly the crack of dawn is it..."

"Well this is very civilised of us isn't it? I feel like we're growing up…" Severide went on.

Matt almost choked on his mouthful of coffee, "You're 23 Severide, you are a grown up."

"And you're a little old man stuck in a 22 year old's body," Severide scoffed at him.

"Maybe… but at least I can hold my alcohol better than you," he grinned and added, "And I'm not an immature cocky bastard..."

"I'm not cocky... just direct that's all," Severide shot back in defence.

"The way you spoke to that poor waitress…"

"Huh, bet ya ten bucks she'll give me her number though."

"See, cocky," Matt stated pointedly, nodding over towards the door behind Severide where Andy Darden had just come in.

"Hey guys, sorry for being late, shift overran," Andy said breathlessly as he sat down, shuffling along the seat next to Matt.

"How was shift?" Matt  enquired.

"Full of tile scraping and floor cleaning, then got an MVA early this morning at about 5am," Darden explained.

"So why did ya want us all here then?" Severide questioned.

"Well l got news…"

"You knocked Heather up?" Severide grinned.

"No but we're getting married..."

"You finally quit smoking then? I'm actually a little impressed," Severide nodded then turned to Matt, "I bet she's pregnant. She'll tell him straight after the wedding…"

"You wanna bet?" Matt laughed.

"Hey will you betting about my future wife!" Darden was shaking his head, laughing along with the two of them.  
  


* * *

 

The crew of Truck 6 jumped from their rig and made their way over to the seemingly abandoned house, with its boarded up windows, and a litter strewn garden overgrown with weeds.

"Where's the fire then?"

"Neighbour called it in," Lieutenant Conner said as he approached the front door and banged on it firmly with his halligan, "Fire department! Is anyone in there?" he shouted loudly. When there was no response, he yelled again.

"You smell that Lieutenant?" Hayes questioned from his position by one of the boarded up windows.

Casey wrinkled his nose, "Smells like burning rubber or plastic…" he said, "Crack maybe?"

"Yup. Masks on," Conner ordered. "You ready to see how we deal with a crack house then?" he asked Casey, who nodded eagerly. "Ok then. Hayes you're with McCormack. Butler you and Flanagan round the back. Casey you're with me," Conner smiled inside his mask at his candidate's enthusiasm, "Let's get this door open then..."  
  


* * *

 

Matt was still breathing heavily when he finished running and was walking up the dingy stairways to his third floor apartment. As he went through the door and turned into the corridor on his landing he spotted Kelly Severide outside his door. He didn't hide his surprise when he said, "What are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you too," Severide drolled, "I did message you earlier..."

"Been out," Casey replied, wiping sweat off his face with his sleeve.

"So I see," Severide answered dryly.

Casey pulled his cell phone out of its zipped up pocket in his joggers and sure enough there on the screen was a text from Severide timed just after he'd gone out running.

"So… you gonna let us both in then?" Severide asked.

"Yeah, yeah..." Matt unlocked his door, gave it a bit of a shove to get it open and Severide followed him inside. "So what do you need?" Casey asked at length, feeling vaguely uncomfortable that Severide was seeing the way he lived. Sure the man had seen it before but only briefly and he was probably far too distracted by the situation he'd found him in. Matt was sure Severide's living arrangements would be far superior to his own, but then he had probably never wanted for money nor had to run two jobs at the same time to finance himself through the fire academy but he didn't like to make assumptions and tried not to judge him despite the attitude he'd had during their training, he knew Severide had his own struggles when it came to his family.

Severide was standing in Casey's tiny cramped apartment, staring around himself, finding his surroundings quite distasteful, "Casey, you really need to get a new place... you're living in one room..."

"Well there's only one of me… don't need anything more," Casey replied as he pulled his sweat soaked top over his head.

"It's run down, falling apart, and as for the stairs and landing... it's not the most secure place… and I swear I walked past someone with track marks all over their…" Severide was saying as he walked over to the table where Casey had put the project he was working on.

"Careful, don't touch it," he warned Severide.

"What the hell is it? Looks like it belongs in a scrap yard…"

"It does. At least that's where l got it from…" Matt had relaxed a bit now Severide had moved away from the table.

"Does it work then?" he asked.

"Not yet, I'm fixing it," Matt answered,, pulling open one of the dresser drawers, taking out a clean t-shirt and pulling it on.

"God… you are tight..." Severide laughed, "You're getting paid as much as I am."

"I'm trying to save and it keeps me busy, I like tinkering with mechanical stuff…"

"So you don't think about all the shit we see on the job?"

"What are you talking about?" Matt scoffed, feigning ignorance.

"I go to the boxing gym," Severide told him.

"What?"

"I box, hit a bag, or a person... it does help."

"Right… yeah..." Casey nodded in mock disbelief, "Anyway why are you here then?"

"Just needed to talk to you about Andy's bachelor party, got a few good ideas..." Severide's bright eyes twinkled with mischief now and Matt was intrigued to hear what he had in store for their friend.  
  


* * *

 

Severide and Matt had ended up planning Andy's bachelor party that evening, sat together on the couch in Casey's apartment, downing several beers and munching popcorn. When the night finally arrived it was a huge success and both of them were sure that Andy would certainly not remember one second of the night come the next day.

"See, good idea to have this a few days before the wedding or he would never recover in time to get up the aisle. Heather would have our asses on a plate..." Matt said as he and Severide watched the groom-to-be mesmerised by the strip-tease, "I mean he's shaving a few years off his liver right now but at least he'll make it to the church."

"You can live without a liver…" Severide interjected.

"Nope," Matt shook his head firmly, "Can't. That's the spleen."

"No… listen, I'm sure you can..."

"Nah Kel... think about the name... liver… live. Can't live without one..." Matt draped one arm around Severide's shoulders, the world was shifting somewhat before his eyes, both of them were the worse for drink now.

"You've done too many ambo ride-alongs Casey..."

"Not since EMT training," Matt started to laugh for no real reason other than the fact everything was making him smile and being proven smarter than Severide made him smile whether he was drunk or not.

"Well… whatever…" Severide decided it time for a change in topic, "Didn't you tell me that Lou works in a strip club now?"

"Yup, she does," Matt stifled a snort as Severide's eyes peered around the club, "But not this one..."

"Well which one then? We can go there next..."

"It's in New York," Matt half whispered.

"Oh, didn't know she'd gone... when?"

"Last year," Matt told him, suddenly seeming a little sad, defences down because of the alcohol. Severide knew that they had only been friends with benefits but she had been a good friend to Casey and looked out for him at times when he had needed it.

"Oh sorry man…" Severide said soberly, even though he didn't feel sober. Not at all.

"She was never my girlfriend," Matt said, shrugging, a forlorn smile on his lips.

"But she was a good friend...you must miss her..."

"Yeah I do sometimes, but she has her own life, and it doesn't include me..." Matt stared at the floor, then a small smile crept onto his face and he looked up and into Severide's face, "Are you worrying about me?" he asked cheekily.

"Huh?" Severide shook his head at the idea, "No of course I'm not... I wouldn't ever worry about you…"

"Good because I'm fine."

"Good," Severide nodded, "I'm glad… You should really think about getting a new…"

Severide's remark was cut short by Andy who was rushing towards the two of them, one of the hugest grins Matt had ever seen plastered all over his face. "Guys, guys... you gotta try this... you gotta try it… " he held out a glass containing something pink in it and shoved it right under Casey and Severide's noses.

"Jeez Andy...that's a girl's drink," Severide said, turning his head away.

"They good though," Matt grinned, "It's like… erm… fruity but not like juice… like artificial fruity…"

"Please tell me you're just making that up and you don't make a habit of having ladies drinks… I mean look… it's got a glitter in it…"

Matt just took the glass from Andy and nodded enthusiastically, "I'm very comfortable with my sexuality Kelly Severide…" he smiled, "I can drink pink glittery drinks all day long if I want."


End file.
